A Series of Strange And Hilarious Events
by luvlylinz
Summary: The world seemed to freeze and I stifled a sigh. He smelled so good! EW! Wait, Malfoy smells good? No way. I checked again, subtly, of course. Although one can only be so subtle when on another’s chest…' READ AND REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is the beginning of a few short stories about the various comical and awkward situations Hermione and Malfoy will encounter. (insert evil laugh now) ENJOY!

**A Series of Strange and Hilarious Events Starring Our Favorite Gryffindor Lion and Slytherin Prince**

**PROBLEM # 1: COLOGNE**

Hermione Jane Granger was not a girl to be trifled with. She had stood by Harry Potter-the-Boy-Who-Lived and faced Voldemort, she had fought against death eaters, befriended a giant, and outwitted even the smartest witches and wizards. She was the most prestigious student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry- and proud of it. In fact, Ms. Granger had to work hard for her noble title. In this story, however, we find her in a wee bit of a predicament…

"Help!"

"Anyone?"

My voice echoed through the halls of a nearly empty school.

"Hello?! Is anyone still here?"

I groaned. Great. Just perfect. Nearly everyone was gone for Christmas break. And here I am. Stuck.

I really had this whole day planned out: say goodbye to the Ron, Ginny, and Harry, come back up to the Gryffindor common room and see if I could get some of my work done, curl up in front of the common room fire and read a book, and maybe even plan a few prefects meetings. Being head girl had its responsibilities, you know.

But I hadn't counted on this. Seriously, who would? Things like this don't just happen every day, right? I mean are you kidding me? Of all the ridiculous situations to find oneself in! Maybe I should just start from the beginning. It all started around nine o' clock this morning...

_FOUR HOURS AGO - - - - - - - - -_

"Bye Harry! Bye Ron! Bye Gin!" I shouted, waving my arms above my head as their thestral-drawn carriage pulled away.

"See ya!" Ginny yelled, her red hair blowing about in the winter breeze.

"Bye 'Mione!" Harry called back.

"See you next year!" Ron joked, waving at me.

'Oh boy, Ron, that was a good one' I thought, rolling my eyes with a smile. It was Christmas break and, being head girl, I thought that I should stay at Hogwarts over Christmas and attend to my duties. After all, it was my last Christmas here, and I wanted to make the most of it.

I turned back to the doors of the school and made my way up the stone steps. I reached for the handle of one of the enormous wooden doors and- was that a yell? I put my ear up to the door and listened.

"EEEEEAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!"

"What the…?" I said aloud, drifting off and listening harder. It sounded much like a banshee.

"Crabbe!! Give it back!! Give it back!! No! Goyle!! GIVE IT!! DRAKIE!! MAKE THEM GIVE IT TO ME!!" someone (or something) screeched. Laughter.

I rolled my eyes. Pansy and the rest of the gang. I heard pounding footsteps….

THUNK!

Something collided with the door and flung it wide open, sending me tumbling down the stairs. I screamed in surprise as I felt my feet go over my head and tumble backwards. I somersaulted down the flight of stairs, each step jabbing me. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow,ow,ow,ow,oow!! Finally I stopped moving. My eyes were squeezed shut and my hair had flown over my face…….I think I might have landed on my wand.

"Owww…" I groaned. My head hurt. I heard footsteps pounding away through the snow, and Pansy shriek. ("PUT IT DOWN!!")

"Crap!" I heard someone say. I heard the footsteps of someone rushing over to me, and a spicy, rich cologne wash over me, the scent was amazing. I almost forgot where I was; all of my other senses had turned off, all I could do was smell…

"Are you ok?" a voice asked me. I stiffened as I felt someone put their arm behind my back and lift me into a sitting position. "Sorry about that. Goyle can be such an oaf at times." I could tangibly feel the ease from the cologne fade as dread set in.

_Oh for the love of Merlin…_

I knew that voice! Draco Malfoy was holding me. And talking to me in kind tones. And apologizing to me. And wearing the most sinfully delicious cologne I have ever smelled. I felt his hands on the back of my head. "You're bleeding!" he exclaimed, sitting me up more. All I could see was a jillion brown hairs in my face.

"Malfoy. I'm fine." I said calmly. I heard a sharp intake of breath. A very, very sharp intake of breath. If only my hair wasn't in my face. I would've loved to see the look he had in his face right now.

"Granger?" he asked doubtfully.

I took my hands and grabbed my hair, making a little hole for me to peep through.

"Boo." I said. He leapt up and released my head. I fell back and hit the cobblestones again.

"Ow…." I moaned, pulling my hair completely out of my face and feeling the back of my head. Ew…. It was wet. I pulled my fingers back and saw that they were red. I closed my eyes again. Ugh.

"Awwggghh!!" I heard Malfoy release a strange noise; somewhere between a groan and a yell, and maybe a bit of a grunt. Maybe someone was strangling him. I'd better check.

"What is it?" I said, cracking an eye open.

"Blood! Your blood is on my hand!" He said hoarsely. "See!" I opened my eyes to look. His hand was about one centimeter from touching my face.

"…"

"Malfoy it would help if you held it a couple inches away from my face and not so close."

He moved his hand further away and I looked at the callused hand in front of my face. Every fingertip bore red splotches, and the palm had a rather large spot too.

"Mudblood… blood is on me!" He said in disgust, wiping his hand in the snow to get it off. It left little pink streaks in the spotless snow.

"Oh boo-hoo, Malfoy!" I said scornfully, trying to sit up. I used my elbows and propped myself into a sitting position, then carefully stood up. Malfoy stood in front of me, smirking at my unsteadiness. I tried to take a step and black dots exploded in front of my eyes, and I felt extremely lightheaded. The world began to sway from side to side shakily, and I tried to take another step forward. I tripped and collided with Malfoy's chest.

The world seemed to freeze and I stifled a sigh. He smelled so good! EW! Wait, Malfoy smells good? No way. I checked again, subtly, of course. Although one can only be so subtle when on another's chest… Ahhh… Nope… nothing good here... hehe…

"Merlin Granger, sit down before you kill yourself!" Malfoy said, grabbing the back of my coat and tugging me over to the first step a few feet away. I hate to admit this, but I let out a very feeble squeak and grabbed his arm to keep from falling.

"I mean really, I know I'm attractive but there are other ways of getting my attention, Granger. You don't need to bloody tackle me." He dropped me on the stair and sat a few feet away from me, a conceited smirk on his face.

"Sod off, ferret." I gritted out, holding my head in my hands. I felt a tiny trickle of blood slide down my neck. Eugh. I had to get to the Hospital Wing.

"Malfoy." I said with a sigh. "I need to see Madame Pomfrey."

He just raised an eyebrow. "What do you want me to carry you or something? I'm not a bloody pack mule."

"Git." I muttered. I stood up again and began to walk up the stairs, aware of two silver-blue eyes boring into my back. Three more…two more to go…. one….. more… I collapsed on the final stair, gripping the railing for dear life. Since my upper body strength is negligible compared to the weight of my actual body, I held on for a supreme span of about seven and a half seconds before sliding to the ground in a pitiful heap. I groaned with frustration.

"Oh for the love of…. this is just- why- stupid- I can't… Merlin!" I heard a growl from behind me. Two hands slid under my arms and lifted me from the ground, and then one arm behind the crook of my neck and an arm beneath my knees.

Malfoy (MALFOY!) lifted me off the ground and carried my through the still open door.

I tried to make out his face, but I had been so unceremoniously picked up that my hair had once again dominated my face. I reached up and grab held of it, taming the curls with a hand. He walked through a hallway and reached the moving staircases, taking the steps two at a time. I purposely breathed through my mouth, trying not make it seem obvious that his cologne was going to be the death of me… because of the stench, of course. Nasty stuff…

"Malfoy-" I began to say, wanting to somehow thank him.

"Don't!" he interrupted. "Just don't say anything. I'll take you to the doors of the infirmary and that's it!" He sounded irritated.

"I didn't ask for your help, so don't be angry with me!" I retorted, annoyance rising within me.

He got off the staircases and continued to walk towards the hospital wing. He hitched me up higher in his arms and the bouncing made my head pound.

"Gently!" I said, reaching to steady my head. When I moved my arms all I managed to do was nearly fall through his arms and bang onto the floor, injuring myself further. I reached my arms around his neck to keep from slipping.

"Enjoying yourself, Granger?" Malfoy asked smirking and looking down at me, raising an eyebrow in arrogance. Ugh. What a pompous, self indulgent pig! He was driving me insane with his "I'm Malfoy, worship me!" attitude. Well, I, Hermione Jane Granger, has a plan! I released a weak breathy sigh.

"Malfoy." I said in a weak, whispery tone. "I can't breathe." I fluttered my eyes shut and then wheezed feebly a few times, biting the insides of my cheeks to keep from smiling.

"What? Did I take your breath away?" He said grinning at his own wit most aggravatingly.

"No…" I whimpered. I breathed out and then slowly took a huge deep breath, shut my mouth, and went limp. It took all six years of Hogwarts discipline to keep me from laughing. My ribs were cracking from bottled glee.

"Granger?" Malfoy asked, his tone not so smug. He stopped walking. He put a hand on my face, over my nose and mouth; I held my breath.

"What the heck?" He muttered, lying me down on the ground. "Granger? Granger? Hey! Breathe!" He patted my cheeks lightly. I felt like I was about to explode from holding my laughter.

He ran a hand down my neck checking my pulse. It took every ounce of concentration in my body not to squirm.

"Granger! Er…. Hermione! Wake up! Breathe!" He said, his voice getting a bit strained. Aw… the ferret cares… kinda… not really… does he?

I felt him pace erratically next to me. He was muttering to himself. I took a peripheral peek at him and saw him running his hands through his blonde hair. With a clenched jaw and a determined look on his face Malfoy dropped to his knees beside my head. "I cannot believe I'm doing this." He muttered. "Barking mad is what it is…."

Merlin no……. MALFOY'S DOING MOUTH TO MOUTH! Oh this is going to be good! I almost forgot the plan due to that dangerously appetizing scent he was wearing, but I swiftly stopped breathing through my nose and refocused my thoughts to my evil revenge.

He pinched the bridge of my nose and opened my mouth slowly. I cracked my left eye and watched his features twist into complete mortification as he leaned down. I began to inhale slowly. His lips were mere centimeters from mine when I blew as hard as I could into his mouth. What a strange noise. You know when you blow into an empty butterbeer bottle and it makes that deep flute kind of noise? That was it.

Malfoy let out a strangled roar of surprise and leaped away from me, eyes wide. Instead of smirking at him in ridicule for my victory, which, of course, I certainly was capable of doing, I laughed. I rolled from side to side and clutched my head and laughed. I think I might've even let out a snort of two.

"GRANGER! YOU STUPID, FILTHY, MUBLOOD!" Malfoy yelled, hitting his fist on the ground in frustration. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"

I took in great gulps of air, trying to breathe through my endless giggles. "That, Malfoy, was funnier than when you turned into a ferret!"

His eyes narrowed murderously at me, but I just kept on laughing. Finally I got myself under control, and locked eyes with him. His eyes were a flint-like steely blue, and his brow was furrowed in anger.

I smirked back and cocked an eyebrow. It slowly slid from my face when the cold realization hit me. Would he still take me the rest of the way to the hospital wing? I still felt incredibly lightheaded. I don't think I could make it to the hospital wing on my own. What if he left me up here in this deserted hallway to die? I would probably go barmy from the loneliness and start talking to imaginary figments of my diseased mind! Then I would probably go into a coma from the loss of blood! And…. and then go into cardiac arrest. And then I would freeze too….And then…. then…. OHMIGOSH, MRS. NORRIS WOULD EAT ME!! I cannot let that happen!

"What?" he asked with a glare, his old haughty self returning. I'm sure he was curious to why there was a horrified look on my face.

"Can you still take me to see Madam Pomfrey?" I asked, trying to look innocent, biting my bottom lip and giving a flutter of my eyelashes.

His eyes got narrower and he smiled evilly. "Of course." He said in a deadly whisper.

"Get up." He said, grabbing the sleeve of my jacket and dragging me up.

"Ow, ferret, that hurt!" I said, scowling at him.

"Good." He answered.

He yanked me back into his arms and began to walk again (with a painful bounce in his step, I might add.) I tried to speak up between bounces.

"Mal. Foy. Could. You. Stop. Bounc. Ing. So. Much?" I jolted out, cradling my aching head. He looked down at me with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Mmmm… nope!" he said cheerfully, practically skipping now.

We finally reached the infirmary, with me gritting my teeth to keep from punching his stupid ferret face for nearly jumping all the way there.

"Here." He said, bending down about halfway and dumping my rudely on the floor.

"Thanks a lot." I said sarcastically, using the wall to help sit my self up. I leaned against the cold wall, the frosty stones felt soothing against my head.

"You're welcome." He said, standing up and looking down at me, smiling.

"I don't see any humor in this situation." I said, frowning at him.

"I do." He said, smirking.

I gave him this look that clearly stated 'Are seriously you kidding me right now?"

He raised his eyebrows sneakily and bent down, never taking his eyes off mine. Soon he was crouched down, sitting back on his heels, a sly grin on his face. His right hand came to rest on my knee and slowly slid up my thigh, making my eyes grow wide. His other hand was pressed against the wall next to my shoulder. The first continued its journey up my thigh. I was frozen with shock. What, in name of all that is sane and good in this world, is happening?!

Malfoy's face was inches from mine, I could count the flecks of silver in his eyes. His hand had reached my hip and now continued to the back rim of my jeans, his cool fingers grazing my flesh for the briefest of moments before slipping down and fingering the opening of my back pocket. He leaned towards me and tilted his head, turning towards my ear, his warm breath making me gasp.

I took a breath and accidentally smelled him. Oh Merlin….. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply…. Wait! WHAT AM I SAYING? EW! He smelled like a filthy rodent! That's right. A nasty… dirty… gross……ferret……… OH WHO AM I KIDDING? HE SMELLED BLOODY HEAVENLY!

"Who's laughing now, Granger?" He whispered huskily, his lips brushing my ear. I shuddered as his hand slid into my pocket and grabbed…. MY WAND!? Quick as a flash he was back on his feet, chuckling and twirling my wand in his hands with triumph. He leaned against the opposite wall, just out of my reach.

"MALFOY!" I bellowed, jumping to my feet. Everything went black and I fell to my knees. "I HATE YOU!" I yelled, clenching my fists.

"Oh really? I think you are quite infatuated with me Miss Granger." he said sweetly. I chose to ignore that last comment. Instead I tried to deliver the most dangerous and most pain inflicting glare I could muster. Considering I was on my hands and knees with a lump on the back of my head I don't think it had the effect I was aiming for; he was still smirking triumphantly down at me.

"Give. Me. My. Wand." I said in a deadly tone.

"Hmm…" He pretended to consider my request. "No, I don't think I will." He said lightly, opening his robes and sticking _MY WAND_ in his back pocket.

I narrowed my eyes and lunged at him, latching onto one of his legs.

"Give it back!" I said, trying to tackle him.

He bent down and pried me off. I'm proud to say it took him quite awhile. He picked me up again. I kicked and wriggled.

"Put me down this instant!" I yelled.

"Now, now, you wouldn't want to miss the finale of my plan, would you?" he said. He reached over and opened the door to the hospital wing.

"Madame Pomfrey!" he called in a worried voice. "Ms. Granger's hurt!" I looked at him in awe. He winked evilly.

The mediwitch came bustling out of her office. She looked at me in Malfoy's arms in puzzlement.

"She fell and hit her head; she's completely delirious." He said, carrying me over to a bed and setting me down.

"I am not delirious!" I said indignantly. "Give me back my wand!!"

"What are you talking about?" Ferret said, feigning innocence, his eyes wide with a surprise. Oh please! There is now way Pomfrey would fall for this! I took one look at her face and decided, yes, yes she could. Then I panicked.

"Don't act like you don't know!" I said. I turned to Madame Pomfrey. She was looking at me doubtfully. "Please. He took my wand! You see, I pretended to die and then he was going to do mouth to mouth and then I blew in his mouth and he got mad but I didn't want to Mrs. Norris to eat me so he took my wand!!" I babbled shrilly. (And yes, looking back now, I know that explanation didn't make any sense, but what can I say? I panicked!)

Now Madame Pomfrey had lost her look of doubt and, I believe, was quite convinced that I had gone mad.

"Let's take a look." Madame Pomfrey said, gently lifting my head. "Hmm… this should only take about and hour or two to heal Ms. Granger. You should be out and ready to go to lunch just on time." She said, walking over to a cabinet and pulling out two bottles and some gauze.

"I can take it from here Mr. Malfoy." She said briskly, unscrewing the cap of the first bottle and pouring the rose colored liquid into a glass. "Thank you for your help."

"Anytime." Malfoy said, giving me a wicked smirk and winking.

I glared daggers at him. I would get him back. Madame Pomfrey said this would be a quick fix. One hour, ferret. One hour…

_END FLAHBACK THAT WASN'T REALLY A FLASHBACK SINCE IT HAPPENED THIS MORNING BUT WHO CARES - - - - - - - - - - _

Ok. So now you know why I am bloody furious at Malfoy right now. First, he insulted me. No, no, wait. _First,_ he wore the most annoying cologne in the world. _Then, _he insulted me. Then, he yelled at me. Then, he dropped me on the floor. Then, he seduced me. Then, he _took my wand_. (_MINE! Aren't there laws against this sort of thing?_) Then he made me look like a complete idiot in front of Madame Pomfrey… Oh, he would pay!

So as soon as I got out of the hospital wing I went down near the potions classroom, looking for a certain piece of slime. And then I ran into this.

What is this, you might ask? A painting. 'A painting?' you may inquire. Yes well this particular one has a Sticking charm on it. You may raise your eyebrows in question. Let me elucidate. There is a Sticking charm. On the outside. As in, the side that young witches lean on when they've had an extremely draining morning and they are plotting revenge on those who have done the draining. Make sense? Oh and it gets better. You know the which I just used in the explanation? That was me. In fact my entire back is stuck to it. Is it such a sin for a girl to lean against a painting before murdering a ferret? I mean really?

I squirmed a bit. Well, my hips were glued, but my legs were free. Thank Merlin I didn't rest my head against the wall; that part of me was free. If only I had my bloody wand!

"Help!" I yelled.

"Anyone?"

My voice echoed through the halls of a nearly empty school.

"Hello?! Is anyone still here?" I called.

What was that? Someone was coming.

The footsteps were getting closer…. A tall shadow fell across the floor, getting bigger… bigger… bigger…

"Well, well, well. Long time no see Granger." Malfoy drawled, standing before me and leaning against the opposite wall. "I thought I heard a voice down here."

"Hello Malfoy." I responded, folding my arms. That's it. Calm, Hermione; collected. Maybe he won't notice.

"Why are you here?" He said, smirking. "Couldn't get enough of me this morning?"

"In your dreams ferret." I spat, trying to stand up in defense. Whoops, can't go there. I growled to myself. "I actually came down here to get a little something of mine. Something you took from me." I narrowed my eyes. "This morning maybe?" I asked with an acid sweetness in my voice.

He shifted from where he was and strolled across the hallway towards me, leaning in between the painting I was stuck to and the on next to it. He cocked a blond eyebrow and pretended to think.

"This morning… hmmm…" he tapped his chin in mock thought. "I don't recall taking anything of yours this morning, Granger. Maybe you're still delirious."

I craned my neck to glare at him.

"Malfoy if you don't give me my wand back so help me-" I was interrupted.

"You'll what?" he said, grinning evilly. "What can you do without your wand?"

I could think of nothing to say, and I think I actually might have growled at him before turning my face away.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. We stood there for a minute or two, me ignoring him and he smirking at the back of my head. I finally turned to him and frowned.

"Why don't you just leave me alone, Malfoy?" I asked, exasperated.

"No can do, Granger. You're too much fun to bother." He answered smugly. I gave him a livid look.

"You are infuriating!" I yelled, whipping my head back around to stare daggers down the empty hallway. He chuckled behind me.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was just standing there, looking at me.

"Give me my wand back." I said, still not looking at him.

"Oh." He said questioningly. "You mean," he slipped a hand into his robes, "this wand?" he asked sweetly, spinning it in his fingers.

I tried to pry myself off the wall, praying he didn't notice. I bit back a scream of frustration.

"Yes, that wand you bloody moronic git!" I snarled. "Give it to me!" Without thinking I lunged towards him, reaching with all my might… I grabbed at my wand and nearly had it… but unfortunately I was a millimeter too far and only succeeded in whacking it over to the other side of the hallway.

Malfoy smirked.

"Uuurgh!" I howled, giving him a look of pure loathing and then giving him the cold shoulder. "I hate you!"

"Oh, come off it, Granger! You know you want me!" He said with a chuckle.

"Ew." I said, still not looking at him. I tried in vain to wrench my back off the wall again, hoping my audience didn't notice.

"What in Merlin's bloody name are you trying to do, Granger?" Malfoy asked, smirking. I guess he noticed my squirming.

I didn't look at him, still trying to force my back off the wall.

"Nothing." I said haughtily, closing my eyes and sticking my nose into the air.

"Granger?" he said. His voice was close… incredibly close.

"What?" I replied huffily, still keeping my eyes closed. I was afraid of what I would see.

"Open your eyes." He whispered.

I slowly opened my eyes. There was a hand next to my face. A pale, calloused hand. Malfoy's hand. On the painting. With the sticking charm on it.

I turned my head and came face to face with him. His eyes were less than a foot from my face, I could smell that wonderful cologne again…. Sssssnnnnnnnnfffffff…. _WAIT!! WHAT AM I DOING?! THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO SMELLING OF COLOGNE!! NO!! _Without thinking I clapped a hand over my nose and closed my eyes. _I will not look, smell, or touch Draco Malfoy. If I can't see him he can't see me, I will not sniff his amazing, I mean, ferrety cologne, and mostly NO TOUCHY! _I repeated these thoughts to myself over and over, almost forgetting that Draco Malfoy had me pinned to a wall.

"Hello? Granger? Is the light still on upstairs?" Malfoy asked. I jumped and quickly opened my eyes, my hand still covering my nose firmly.

"Yes!" I said. He snorted. Oops… I forgot to take my hand away from my nose. Merlin, how embarrassing… I whipped my hand off my face. "Yes I'm fine! I was just… having a short… moment of… umm… serenity! I was relaxing myself because you were making me angry." I said. Well that was convincing…

"I was making you angry?" he asked innocently, his silver grey eyes mocked me beneath his brow.

"Erm… Malfoy?" I said, a little nervous at his reaction to my next remark.

"What?" he asked, a smirk upon his face. He was probably sensing my vulnerable attitude due to the fact the his rather muscular-wait, I… I mean, ugly, very ugly, arms were caging me against the wall. Merlin, was he wrong. Well, partially. I mean- I was just…Ugh never mind!

"Well, I- I just- umm there isn't really an easy way to tell you this…" I tried to find the right way to tell a guy that his hands were permanently stuck to a painting caging a very ticked off girl in an empty castle in the middle of winter.

"What?" He asked again, still smirking at my stuttering.

"Your hand… I mean… It's kind… well rather… just try and move your hands" I finished lamely. Merlin, Ron must be rubbing off on me. He raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Just do it!" I said.

He rolled his eyes and leaned back. He jerked to a stop. His forehead creased and he pulled back from me again, only to be jerked to a stop again.

"What the…?" he muttered. His eyebrows furrowed and he clenched his teeth. I saw his body tense again as he tried to yank his hands off the wall.

"Grangerrrrrrrr." He growled, his stormy grey eyes mere inches from mine.

"Yes?" I asked feigning innocence.

"What's going on here?" he asked, scowling.

"Peeves." I replied.

"Ah." He said. It was silent for a span of about thirty seconds. "PEEVES!" Malfoy roared. "PEEVES, WHERE IN MERLIN'S BLOODY NAME ARE YOU!?"

"Stop yelling!" I said in annoyance.

I gave me an incredulous look. "Stop yelling?" he nearly whispered.

"Uhhmm… yah!" I said, in a "duh!" kind of tone.

"No!" he said angrily, glaring at me. "I'm stuck to a bloody wall! What do you want me to do? Whisper? Have a heart to heart and a cup of tea?"

"I don't know! Maybe we can think of something!" I suggested, glaring right back.

We continued to glare for a few moments before he took a deep breath…

"GET DOWN HERE YOU NO GOOD DIRTY ROTTEN BLOODY-" I cut Malfoy off by slapping him squarely on the face. Wow… That felt strangely satisfying. He stared down at me, his eyes bulging out. His mouth opened and closed a few times. A faded pink spot graced his flawless face.

"You… you… hit me!" he said, shocked.

"Nothing gets past you ferret." I snapped back. His eyes narrowed and his arm jerked down to reach his wand.

"ARRRRGGGGHHH!!" he growled. I smiled sweetly at him.

"Looks like we're stuck." I sung.

"Shut up." He spat, hanging his head in defeat. I smiled as a thought occurred to me.

"Malfoy! Where's your wand?" I asked.

"My pocket!" he spat, still fuming about the situation. "I can't reach it."

I stared at him, one eyebrow raised.

"What?" he said. With a smirk I slowly raised my hands up in between us and wiggled my fingers.

"My back pocket, Granger! No way to I want your fingers back there!" He sputtered in outrage.

"Malfoy! We could be here for bloody hours! Just let me get it and we can leave this hallway and carry on with our normal daily lives." I said in frustration.

"No bloody way." He said stubbornly. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You couldn't stop me if I tried to get it anyway." I smirked. "So I will." I reached for the clasp on his robes- I had to get to his back pocket somehow.

"Granger!" He barked, yanking on his arms, trying to avoid my hands. I slipped my arms around his waist and snagged his wand, quickly pulling it out. I wasn't expecting Malfoy to swing to his right, bumping my hand and causing his wand to catch on the fabric of his shirt. Or that it would slip through my grasp. Or that is would fall to the floor and roll five feet away. I stared at the wand, mouth open, eyes popping. Malfoy stiffly cleared his throat.

"Would you kindly remove you hands from my robes!" he snapped. I started out of my trance, glaring at him.

"This is all your fault." I hissed furiously. "If you hadn't of bumped my hand I wouldn't have lost the wand!" I fastened the clasp on his robes, being sure to pinch him in the process. Malfoy did not like that gesture very much. Before I knew what was happening he growled and threw his body on mine, crushing my hands between us. We were now pressed up together very, very, very closely.

A wave of his cologne hit me harder than ever. I began to lean closer and then mentally slapped myself… very hard. I leaned away and held my breath resolutely; be strong Hermione, be strong.

I craned my neck to see his face, and he was smirking at me, as always.

"Do you mind?" I huffed.

"Not really." He said, putting his full weight on me. I felt my chest collapse underneath his very heavy one, and I found that my attempts of breathing were proving to be incredibly unsuccessful.

"Malfoy!" I wheezed. "Malfoy!"

"Yes?" I heard him say sweetly.

"I can't breathe!" I gasped. I tried to suck in another breath, but my ribs couldn't expand and account of the rather large body mass leaning against me.

"You can't breathe? It's fine up here. Actually it's rather comfortable." He said casually.

If it were possible, I felt him lean on me even more. I craved oxygen. The only air was I getting was a strange mix of robe lint, armpit sweat, and a beautiful tinge of that cologne. Excluding the latter, it was not pleasant smell. I tried to push him away from me using my arms, but was too heavy. As a final attempt at life I dug my fingers into his stomach, which rather hurt since his stomach was rather hard. He let out a bark of laughter and leapt away from me, his eyes popping. I swallowed as much air as possible, relieved that I didn't die while pinned to a wall by a fragrance soaked ferret. Now that I had some air in my lungs I could release my wrath on the almost murderer.

"You almost suffocated me to death!" I yelled. Malfoy was still leaning far away from me, looking at my hands with unease.

"Don't be so dramatic." He said, not meeting my glare.

"I am not being dramatic!" I huffed. "You would not get off me! I told you I couldn't breathe! I had to bloody tickle you to get off of me!"

"Um… sure." He said, practically pulling his arms out of the socket in his attempts to lean away from me. If I wasn't so upset I might actually find his stance laughable… Wait! That laugh! When I jabbed him in he stomach, I _tickled_ him! _Malfoy was ticklish! _I think this may be one of the most valuable things I have ever learned at Hogwarts.

He met my eyes. I suppose my gaze might have looked a bit mischievous, because his eyes looked incredibly scared.

"You are ticklish!" I crowed joyfully.

"No I'm not!" he feebly denied. I laughed manically.

"This is bloody brilliant." I sang. He glared at me and remained in his stiff position. I laughed at him. "I'm not going to tickle you again." I said He glared at me apprehensively, but at least relaxed his position again. "I'll save that for another time."

"Gosh, Thanks!" he said in mock appreciation. I found that the only response that genuinely expressed the way I felt was an evil grin. He scowled and looked down, sagging into his arms for support. He was silent for a few moments before he spoke.

"Nice rack, Granger."

"Oh!" I gasped in outrage and folded my arms across my chest. "You dirty, git!" I fumed, my face beginning to heat up.

He looked up and smirked.

"You know, you're blushing right now?" he asked, grinning.

"No I'm not." I said, even though I thought my face was on fire. He chuckled deep in his chest.

"Apparently your face begs to differ."

"Ok, fine I'm blushing! So what?"

"Oh nothing, it means nothing at all…" he said with a huge smirk on his ferrety face.

I raised my hand to strike him again… harder this time. He saw this impending doom and swiftly ducked his head and rested it on my shoulder at the perfect awkward angle where I couldn't slap the heck out of him. I huffed angrily.

"Malfoy if you are staring at my chest again I swear-"

He cut me off. "I'm not, Granger!" he said. He scooted his head towards the wall, the bridge of his nose now resting on the front of my shoulder. Oh Merlin… WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO THIS?! I tried not to inhale the scent of him, but he was so _close!_ I closed my eyes and tried to think of something -_anything- _else. Snape singing country music… The library burning down… Dumbledore getting his beard highlighted…Madam Maxime in a bikini… EW!! OK I THINK SUFFERING WITH MALFOY WAS BETTER THAN THOSE IMAGES!

I opened my eyes again and craned my neck to look at the boy on my shoulder. His eyes were closed. I chose this moment to study him up close. Just this once, ok? I'm just wondering why all of the other girls in this school love him. This study is for research purposes only, so don't get any ideas…

My eyes followed the line of his jaw, marveling the perfect curvature of it, and how smooth it looked. I stifled the horrifying urge to put my hand to his marble cheek, grasping the sides of my robes and clenching my fists. The rest of his pale face was buried against my shoulder. I then chose to _academically study_ (nothing more) his hair. Somehow it wasn't that annoying platinum blonde it used to be. It had toned down a couple of shades, making him look older and more… well… sexy. Oh Merlin, I just called Malfoy sexy. What is going on?

I shrugged my shoulder I little bit. His head wobbled, but stayed put.

"Malfoy?" I said. No response. I jiggled my shoulder again, trying to get him off.

"Hello?" I said, louder this time. "Malfoy?" he continued to ignore me. "I know you didn't fall asleep." I exclaimed huffily. I felt him smirk against my shoulder. I shivered. Those were lips I felt.

"Malfoy! Get off!" I said firmly, reaching up with my hands and trying to lift his head off of me. Ugh! It was heavy! I let him go and his still smirking expression dropped onto my shoulder again and a painful thud. _Ouch!_ A breezy aftermath followed, his rich cologne washing over me. _That is it!_ I thought irritably.

I jolted my shoulder as hard as I could, first shrugging it down and then driving it up, striking his head with quite some force. Malfoy's head flew off and came swiftly down again. He hit the bridge of his nose right on my shoulder with another painful thud and he grunted. His head flew up again on his own, fuming.

"GRANGER!" he yelled, wincing. He pressed his lips together as blood trickled from his nose. I clapped my hands over my mouth and felt my eyes go wide. I had accidentally given him a bloody nose!

"Omigosh Malfoy! I am so sorry!" I shrilled, gaping at him in horror. His eyes were strained around the edges from pain, and his lip curled a bit. I wonder if I looked that attractive when I was hurt this morning?

….

WHAT?! NO!! NOT ATTRACTIVE!! AHHHGGG!!

"Granger! This is all your fault." He grumbled, bending over and trying to wipe off his face with no hands. "Could you please find me something to stop the bleeding?" he asked grudgingly. I gaped at him. Did you hear that?! 'PLEASE!' Malfoy just said 'please'!! Sweet Merlin… He glanced up at me while blood dribbled slowly down his chin. At least in wasn't a terribly bad nosebleed. I'd seen worse.

"Hurry?" he implied.

"Ummm…" I frantically searched my pockets for anything that would stop the bleeding. "I don't think I have anything!" I said. It was a bit concerning how worried my voice sounded. I pushed those thoughts to the back of my head and focused on the task at hand.

"Oh!" I gasped as an idea struck me. I reached for his expensive robes and stopped before I grabbed them.

"May I?" I asked, looking up at him. He sighed in a grudgingly defeated manner.

"If that's all we have, I guess so." He grumped.

I took the edge of his robes and pulled them up until I could reach the corner. I folded it over a few times and contemplated how exactly I was going to this.

"Malfoy look up." I commanded. He raised his head and I reached out with my hand inside the black fabric and began to wipe off his face. I started with his chin and worked my way up, blushing when I got to his lips. I could feel those silver eyes bore into mine, but I purposely stared at the spot I was cleaning… which was still his lips. I finished with them and moved up to his nose, with was still dripping drops of blood. I pressed the fabric onto his nose and he protested with a grunt, pulling away.

"That hurts." He remarked with a scowl.

"We need to stop the bleeding somehow." I said, reaching for his face again. He frowned and let me press the corner of the robe to his nose again. He winced and tried to lean away.

"Stop moving!" I said.

"Well, it bloody stings!" he snapped. I tried to press it to his nose again and he resolutely pulled away.

I sighed in defeat and looked at him determinedly for a split second before placing the palms of my hands on either of his cheeks, holding him steady. I blotted his nose gently with the corner of his robe using the pads of my thumbs; this time he didn't pull away. I avoided his eyes at all costs, knowing that if I looked, I would most likely do something embarrassing.

I couldn't help it. I had to look.

His silver eyes locked with mine and the world stopped turning. I couldn't look away; my breath caught in my throat; my heart stuttered. I think it may have only been about two seconds, but it felt like hours. His breath ticked my face, and I gasped as I released the breath I had been holding.

"Alright, Granger?" he asked, smirk in place.

"Blood," I lied, "makes me faint." I broke free from his gaze and immediately hung my head (I would lean it against the wall, but we know where that would get us.); closing my eyes and shutting down all thoughts about Draco Malfoy. I dropped the little corner of his robes I had been using and it swayed towards the ground.

"Granger?" he asked.

"What?" I whispered.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Malfoy, you just had a bloody nose. Are you ok?" I asked, glancing up at him. He pretended to think for a moment and then wiggled his nose at me like a bear. I giggled.

"I don't think there is any permanent damage." He said.

"Darn." I said sarcastically. Wow. Malfoy and I were actually having a decent conversation… We stood there in a somewhat awkward silence for a minute or two.

"What time is it?" I asked thoughtlessly. We must've been stuck to this wall for at least an hour, maybe more. I looked down at our feet and sighed. This was beyond weird. My head snapped up when I heard Malfoy make the strangest noise. I raised an eyebrow at the panicked look on his face.

"Hyyeeeeeeh!" he sucked in a breath. "Grange- haaaaa – er - hyeeee – I have to - ahhh – snee – heeeaaaa – eeze!" I stared at him in horror.

"Hold it in!" I screeched, frantically thinking of some way to save myself from being covered in spit and Merlin knows what. I hastily pinched his nose; that usually helped me.

"I – heee – can't!" He wheezed. I squealed and grabbed the front of his robes, sticking my head under as much fabric as possible to protect myself.

"Ahh… Uhhhhh…. CHOO!"

He sneeze propelled him backwards, and at reaching the end of his arm length, he bounced forward. I heard him grunt as my head connected with his chest. Whoopsie… I waited for a few moments for any after shock sneezes, then I cautiously removed my head from his robes, glancing at his face. He was wincing.

"Is it a hobby of yours to injure me?" he asked me.

"Sorry." I said sheepishly with a grin. To my surprise, he smirked back at me.

"Apology accepted. But don't think I wont get back at you for all of this." He said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. "Revenge?"

"You could call it that." He said with an evil grin.

"Malfoy you-" my retort was cut short by footsteps at the end of the corridor. Both of us whipped our heads to the end of the hallway, straining to hear.

"I still think that the pudding is much better." grumbled a slow deep voice. Goyle.

"Just admit that jelly adds much more flavor." Crabbe answered smugly.

"Does not!" Goyle said roughly

"Does too!" Crabbe retorted.

"It's just Crabbe and Goyle." Malfoy whispered, relaxing.

"And that should comfort me how….?" I questioned sarcastically. "Do you have any idea what spell they would hurl at us to get us unstuck?" I whispered. They would probably turn us into cupcakes and eat us… or worse. Their footsteps were getting closer. Another voice joined into the argument.

"Does too!"

"Does no-"

"Shut up! Who bloody cares what donuts are stuffed with? I swear, sometimes you two can be so thick!" Blaise said, clearly annoyed by the two oafs accompanying him. Malfoy growled and muttered a few colorful words.

"What's wrong?" I hissed. "Blaise can help us!"

"He can't know I got stuck to a bloody wall!" He hissed back. I gave him a look that clearly said 'are-you-kidding-me-right-now'. "What?" he whispered, clearly offended by the latter look. _Stupid, egotistical, pompous, narcissistic, arrogant, male pride!_

"Do you want to get off this wall or not!?" I said, almost forgetting to whisper.

"Not by Blaise!" he snapped hoarsely. I rolled my eyes and took a breath, ready to yell out to the three Slytherins. Malfoy gave me a murderously dark look.

"Don't you dare!" he hissed. I smiled sweetly before opening my mouth.

"He-" my yell was cut short. Something covered my mouth. Something soft and warm. Malfoy's lips were over mine. My eyes widened in shock. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. His eyes were still open. He drew back and smirked at me, quite proud I believe. My mouth was open. I shut it. I frowned. Did that just happen? I was confused. I looked up at Malfoy's smirking face. _Nope, _I decided. That definitely did not happen. I felt my rationale flee in my frantic ploy to deny the kiss.

"Now if you to oafs would shut up, I'll give you the answers to the Transfiguration exam." Blaise said. Blaise! They could help us! I glanced at Malfoy before opening my mouth. He was giving me that "you're smarmy" look. Urgh. I decided to yell.

"Blai-" Nearly at once his lips were on mine again. Again? Right. 5 Seconds ago. So much for being in denial about it. My thoughts were scrambled with his lips on mine. He kissed with more force this time, probably trying to shut me up. The Slytherin's voices faded into the background; all I could think about was this kiss. I waited for him to pull away again and smirk. But he didn't. Not fully. He drew back, yes, but when he spoke his lips brushed mine.

"Are you going to shut up now?" He whispered. His breath mingled with mine when I responded.

"Probably not." I breathed.

"I that case…" he whispered huskily before pressing his lips back to mine. This time I closed my eyes. I have never felt this way before. His lips began to move. _Oh Merlin._ I was dying. Draco Malfoy was kissing me. Everything was wrong about this. Why don't I push him away? Why don't I scream and slap him? What wrong with me?

Apparently something was very wrong with me because against my will I began to respond to the kiss. My arms slipped up his chest and wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. Where was my reasoning? Where was my common sense? Where was… His lips shifted and I gasped. Our lips moved together, and fire and ice ran through my veins all at once. I was soaring and falling and sinking and spinning. My stomach was tied in knots; beautiful, confused, wonderful knots. My left hand slid up his neck and into his hair. _Oh… _I titled my head slightly to the right, allowing the kiss to deepen. Our bodies were pressed together, complete opposites; silver and gold, black and white; but seemed to fit. His smell thrummed around me; musky, sharp, addictive. I needed air. I pulled away with a loud sigh, trying to steady my breathing and rapid heart. Malfoy pulled back and grinned smugly at me, barely out of breath.

"Enjoy yourself, Granger?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow smugly. I stared at him. He had just kissed me. I just kissed Malfoy. Me Malfoy kiss. I saw his expression change slightly, he lowered his eyebrow and donned his smirk. I kept staring; boggled. He just kissed me. And he was _smirking _about it. _Smirking._

"Granger? Hello?" he said, still smirking. I must have looked like a fish standing there with my eyes popping and my mouth open. But I didn't care. My brain was not functioning. He just kissed me. Malfoy. Kiss. Malfoy. Kiss. Kiss… Me? And then it registered. He just kissed me! KISSED ME! And he smirks about it! My eyebrows drew together and I narrowed my eyes.

"You just kissed me?" I whispered, my tone deadly. Now his expression changed from smugness to a face that clearly said 'And your point is…?'.

"Yes…"he said with a Malfoy-like grin. "And you seemed to enjoy it very much Ms. Granger."

"YOU KISSED ME?" I nearly yelled. Now he looked at me like I was crazy.

"Yes." He answered. "What are you going to do? Deduct house points?" My blood boiled. He was not allowed to kiss me! ME! A Gryffindor! Not a Slytherin! Not a Pureblood! His kiss was just a tool! He only kissed me to shut me up! I kissed him because… because… I DON'T KNOW WHY!! BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT! I glared at him. Words failed me.

"I told you not to yell." He said, tut-tuttingly. "But you didn't listen which caused me to take…" he paused, searching for the right word, "_drastic _and seemingly _wicked _measures." He grinned evilly and looked down at me. I think my sight was tinged with red.

"YOU-NO-GOOD-BLOODY-VILE-RUDE-POMPOUS-FOUL-IDIOTIC-" I punctuated each word with a feeble punch in the chest. It is hard to get momentum for your right hook when glued to a wall, you know. "STUPID-EVIL-ARROGANT-"

"Granger! Granger! Get a hold of yourself!" Malfoy yelled, straining away from me. I continued with my frenzied punching, doing him no harm. All of my sensibility was gone. It was that kiss! That bloody kiss! He threw his body against mine again, trapping my hands in between us. The cologne wavered, and I forced myself to ignore it.

"Get off of me, Malfoy. Now!" I barked. He craned his head to look down at me.

"I don't think so, Granger." He said coolly, clearly not fazed by our close proximity. I, on the other hand, was experiencing a steady rise in blood pressure due to the accelerated pounding of my heart, accompanied bye those accursed knots in my stomach.

"I'll tickle you again." I threatened darkly. He only smirked.

"Go ahead." He said. I tried to wiggle my fingers. I realized I couldn't even move my arms to move my hands to get to his stomach. Urgh. He chuckled at my expression. I gave him my most murderous glare and decided to go back to my plan I had executed hours earlier: the silent treatment. I whipped my head toward the end of the hallway, making sure that I flicked my hair in his face. We stood silent for a moment before he spoke.

"You liked it." He smugly stated. I bit my lip to keep myself from retorting. "You _loved _it, Granger. Just admit it." I quickly turned to him, nearly snarling.

"_I did not like it!" _I hissed.

"Did too." He answered smugly. "Every one of them." I wanted to rip his big, stupid, head off; my arms were still pinned between us. I felt my cheeks flush with anger, and my eyebrows go into a frown.

"For your information, _Ferret_," I said, "I did not enjoy any of those kisses, and if you…" I trailed off. Wait a minute. We kissed three times. Kiss one… Kiss two…The first two were to shut me up… Kiss three….. but the third! The third kiss was not to muffle a yell! He kissed me! _Voluntarily!_ HA! HAHAHAHA! In you face Malfoy! He looked at me, have smirking, half puzzled. I realized that I hadn't finished my sentence, and that a smirk was plastered to _my _face.

"You kissed me." I stated.

"We have already been over this, Granger." He said. "I kissed you to shut you up." He smiled devilishly. "And it worked."

"No, no, no. You don't seem to understand what I am stating, Malfoy." I explained. "You _kissed me…. Voluntarily."_ I said this slowly, as if speaking to a child.

"No Granger. You, I fear, are far too infatuated with me to understand. I kissed you because I needed you to shut up; and since my hands are unavailable for me to use, I used the next best thing." He paused. "Or should I say, from you perspective, the _best _thing." He said, grinning at me wickedly.

"I didn't yell the third time!" I interjected smugly. His smirk faltered for half a second and then came back full force.

"Yes but you would have." He said. I narrowed my eyes.

"But how do you know?" I questioned skeptically, cocking my head to the side. He leaned closer, past my face, and whispered in my ear.

"You're easy to read, Granger." His hot breath made my gasp catch in my throat. I could smell it again. That cologne. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to calm my bloody nerves. I felt him draw back, yet I kept my eyes closed. I had to get away from him. Him and his stupid cologne and kisses and witty comebacks.

"Mr. Malfoy?" A voice called from down the hallway.

My eyes snapped open and locked with his. His silver eyes sparkled with mischief and he winked at me. I started and my intellect returned. I glared at him.

"Down here, Professor!" he called, his eyes never leaving mine. I heard the hollow tap of quick footsteps getting closer. I ripped my eyes away from his gaze and turned towards the footsteps. Professor McGonagall approached us, a severe look upon he features.

"Miss Granger!" she said, clearly astonished to see me, Hermione Granger, top of the class, pinned to a wall by none other than Draco Malfoy. To a passerby this must look…. Oh Merlin.

"Professor!" I said.

"Now really!" McGonagall. "What on earth is going on here?"

"Peeves." Malfoy said smoothly. McGonagall didn't look convinced.

"He put some sort of sticking charm on the outside of this painting, Professor." I interjected. Nieher of us had our wands; that's why we've been stuck here for the past few hours." I tried to pull my back off the wall, showing her the problem. Malfoy complied by giving his stationary hands a few good yanks. The Professor frowned and took a closer look at the painting.

"Hmpf." She cleared her throat. With a silent wave of her wand the charm was removed. Without the support we fell to the floor in a heap. I felt a blush creep up to my cheeks as we stood. Malfoy was bending his arms and cringing.

"I trust you two will be more careful before wandering down deserted corridors." She said, clearly still suspicious. He eyes flickered between us, which made my cheeks flame even more. I stared at the floor and out of the corner of my eye I saw my wand lying on the ground a few feet away. I bent down and picked it up, and seeing Malfoy's, I picked his up as well. All the while I could feel Professor McGonagall's eyes on me. I handed Malfoy his wand, trying to ignore the sting where our fingers touched.

"It's nearly nine thirty. Please return to your common rooms," Professor McGonagall said briskly, "immediately." She strutted to the end of the hallway and within seconds the tapping of her shoes had disappeared.

I stole a glance at Malfoy in the corner of my eye. He was still smirking at me. I glared at him and began to walk down the hallway, trying to keep myself from stomping. Before I had gone more than six or seven steps I felt him grab my arm and spin me around to face him.

"What?" I half-whispered half-yelled.

"Just so you know," He said quietly, leaning closer to me, "I'm still going to get my revenge." My breath caught in my throat at his threat, and I felt my cheeks redden for the third or fourth time that day. He smirked, and the cologne tried to haunt me again.

"Let go of me." I said coldly, ripping my arm out of his grasp and hurrying down the hallway. Why was I running from him? From _Malfoy _for Merlin's sake. But nonetheless I felt my feet carrying me further away from him. I stomped up every stair that took me to Gryffindor Tower. Curse him and his bloody body and bloody wit and bloody smirk and bloody sexiness and bloody cologne. BLOODY MALFOY! Urgh.

I crept into the common room, again relieved that Ron, Harry, and Ginny had all gone home for Christmas. No questions to why I was so late and where I had been. I went to the Head Girl's quarters and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. I slipped out of my robes and threw them on my bed. I riffled through my drawers for my comfiest pajamas. I felt safer as soon as the soft fabric settled on my skin.

I grabbed my robes off my bed and – _sniff. _What was that smell? _Sniff sniff sniff. _I took a few whiffs of the air around me. It smelled like… I narrowed my eyes at the seemingly innocent black fabric in my hands. I brought by robes to my face and smelled them. They smelled like Malfoy! I couldn't get away!

"URGH!" I yelled, hurling them to the farthest corner of the room. I dove for the covers and burrowed under them, using my wand to flip out the light. Forget reading, there was no way I would be able to focus on that after the day I had. I forced myself to concentrate on nothing; just the blackness behind my eyelids, and the peaceful sleep that was in reach.

My thoughts disobeyed me as I found myself remembering all of the occurrences between Malfoy and I; The fall in the grounds, getting carried to the hospital wing, fooling him, getting my wand stolen (my thoughts lingered a little _too_ long on that one), getting stuck to the wall, losing my wand, giving him the silent treatment, losing his wand, his body pressed on mine, giving him a bloody nose, the sneeze, the… kisses, particularly the third one (I know I lingered far too long on this memory). I shook my head and groaned. _Bloody Malfoy. _I tried to ignore the stupid butterflies in my stomach. I probably swallowed too much toothpaste or something. Yah… too much toothpaste I thought, as I slowly drifted of to sleep. Way too much toothpaste….

...

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So what do you think?! I'll continue this plot in another one shot, but it will take a while. Hopefully you guys liked it! Until next time.

**REVIEWS EQAUL LOVE **(for some reason this website has a strange glich in it and won't let me post an equal sign there...)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Alrighty, here's the follow up to _A Series of Strange and Hilarious Events Starring Our Favorite Gryffindor Lion and Slytherin Prince__. _In case you didn't notice, the title is too long to actually enter on to FanFiction, so I had to shorten it. =] I hope you all enjoy it as much as the first! I tried to write in Draco's POV, but it's really, really hard; that's why there was such a long wait…. That and the fact that I just went through an anti-writing stage, nbd. It's so easy to imagine what Hermione's thoughts are; but Malfoy is a waaaaay different story. But don't worry, I just had to set up the beginning in his POV, the rest is in 'Mione's! (HALLELUJAH!!!) And I know that in the first fic it was Christmastime, but in this fic it's kinda warm outside, so Hogwarts is just having some weird weather, mk? READ ON POPPIES! SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!! I mean really, what's a month ….. or two…. or thirteen…. between friends?.... hehe. =]]

I hope you guys enjoy this as much as the first chapter. The first chapter was like my life's work. This one is just because I love my reviews. Haha. I hope you like it!!!!

**A Series of Strange and Hilarious Events Starring Our Favorite Gryffindor Lion and Slytherin Prince**

………… When life gives you water, dump it on Malfoy and run away …………

**Problem # 2:Peeves: IIDraco: 0 Hermione 0**

Draco Lucius Malfoy was not a wizard to be trifled with. He was the most prestigious student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry- other than that blasted Granger- and proud of it. In fact, young Mr. Malfoy had to work hard for his noble title. In this story, however, we find him in a wee bit of a predicament…

"DRAKIE?"

"DRAKIE-POO?"

"DRAAAAAAAAACCOOOOOOOOOOO?"

I cringed and triple checked the leafy fringes of my refuge, not stopping until I was absolutely positive the wench couldn't see me. I ran a hand through my hair and quietly groaned. 'Wench?' you may ask. Yes, wench. Or you could say Witch. (figuratively speaking…) But yes. Pansy Parkinson. Bloody stalker.

Looking around me, I realized how bad things had gotten. I was currently seated in a tree, hiding. Hiding from Pansy, my annoying, whining, infuriating, shadow. Merlin, this was degrading.

I realized how low this actually was. Lower than low. I groaned again and bluntly began hitting the back of my head against the trunk, muttering a string of curses that would have had Mother swooning. I smirked at the thought.

Pansy's voice was slowly fading away, THANK MERLIN, and now I could relax. I slumped down into a more comfortable position and spun my wand between my fingers. An ant crawled past my shoe towing a bright piece of leaf behind it. I tried to poke it with my wand.

My thoughts wandered, and I began thinking about _her. _Granger. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, her smell, her voice, her lips….

Just three days ago I had her pinned against a wall.

Just three days ago she kissed me.

Just three days ago I kissed her.

I enjoyed that kiss.

I know it's crazy. _Trust me, I know._ It goes against everything that has been pummeled into my head since birth. But I can't bloody help it. She's so damn sexy. THERE I SAID IT. GRANGER IS SEXY. AGH.

Every time I get her out of my head she barges back in. Just this morning at breakfast I was innocently enjoying my eggs and sausage, minding my own business, and in she walks, a faint smile on her face; like she's in on this huge bloody secret that nobody else can know. It's infuriating!

And of course, she sits down directly across from me over at the Gryffindor table; as if to mock me and my tortured resistance to think about her. My eyes flickered and caught hers from across the Ravenclaw table - _might as well make the best of it._ She glared at me and I smirked. I could almost hear her snort of disgust before she grabbed the paper and hid her face from mine. I chuckled. There were only about a dozen other students in the room; no one saw this short exchange.

It was at that moment that I decided to give up. If Granger wanted free reign in my head, I'd let her. Personally, I wouldn't mind another kiss. It's not like Granger would put up a fight. I smirked. She was smart. She was beautiful. She was witty. She definitely wasn't the nerdy, bucktoothed, bushy-haired spawn of Madam Pince she used to be. She had grown up. And I-

"DRAKIE?"

I sat up ramrod straight and peered through an opening in the leaves. Pansy stood about twenty-some yards away, slowly looking suspiciously around her. I thought about my options. I could

a) Climb down from the tree and face my doom.

b) Do myself (and the world) a favor and turn her into a goat.

c) Curse her.

Yeah I'm thinking C.

I held in a snicker as I aimed my wand and muttered "_Imberpersequi"._ I grinned evilly when I saw a slight shadow form over Pansy's head. The shadow grew in size until it was a small, dark cloud above her, hovering three and a half feet above her head. She clapped her hands (what am I, a dog?) and called again.

"DRAKIIIIIEEEEEE-" her yowl was cut short as the raindrops began to fall. She looked around confusedly. The dark storm cloud floated and swirled above her head; while five feet away there was pure sunshine. She walked a few steps toward the sunlit grass. Her movement left a little wet trail in the field. I chuckled. The rain began to fall harder; and Pansy stood there stupidly. I nearly laughed aloud at the look on her face as realization hit her.

She ran around in a confused pattern, shrieking and flapping her hands in agitation. A mini clap of thunder made her squeal. The rain was pouring now; she was thoroughly soaked. She drew her wand and began screeching spells at the thing, but to no avail.

"Stupify!" she shrieked, the faint red flash flew from her wand and hit the cloud silently. The cloud turned a nice burgundy color and a bolt of lightning hit the ground next to her. She screamed and ran towards the castle in panic.

I laughed as I watched her retreat to the castle. Freedom. Finally.

As Pansy ran through the doors, another figure came out. I studied it and immediately recognized Granger. She walked down the steps and along the path, a smile on her face and a few books balanced on her hip. I swore when I realized she was planning to sit beneath this very tree. I stared at her ferociously, trying to send some sort of psychic force to make her go away.

…..

It didn't work.

With a contented sigh she sat down at cracked open the monster of a book she was reading, completely unaware that I was perched above her. She took out a notebook and paused in her study to write something down. How the hell was I going to get down now?

I growled silently and tried to get comfortable. Merlin knows she reads for centuries at a time. I tried to decipher what kind of book she was reading. Ancient Runes. I barely contained my groan. She was bloody translating.

I sat there, contemplating the next few years of my life spent in a tree. After ten or fifteen minutes of imagining my future life as a hermit I had a brilliant idea. Granger was sitting _underneath_ me. She _doesn't know_ I'm here. She's bloody _oblivious._ I could feel a smirk coming on.

I switched positions carefully, trying to make little or no noise. I glanced down at Granger again. She was tilting her head to either side, stretching. While I was thinking thoughts about my evil plans she must have put her hair up in a messy bun and stretched her legs out in front of her. She had neglected to pull her skirt down; her legs were bare up to a few inches above her knee. I took a hard swallow.

The leaves rustled with a sudden breeze, and a few fell from the tree. On landed on her book, and she brushed it away. Grinning, I plucked a few leaves from the tree and dropped one down, aiming for her book. She brushed it away. I dropped another. This one fluttered to her legs, and she shook it off. I frowned and dropped three or four at once. They all twirled throughout the air and landed on the pages.

"Ugh." She muttered, brushing the leaves away, her hand moving faster this time. I crept down a few branches until I was about ten feet above her and leaned down, as close as I could get without falling.

One…

Two…

Three…

"GRANGER!" I bellowed, loud as I could.

"AAAAAAAAAEEEEEGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!" she screamed, leaping up from her spot on the ground and then tripping over her own feet and landing on the ground again. She stood up, whipped out her wand, and looked around in panic, surely searching for a villain of some sort. When she looked up and saw me her cheeks flushed a bright red and smoke nearly poured out of her ears.

I couldn't help but laugh. The branch I was holding on actually shook for about three and a half seconds before I fell off and landed on the ground.

"Urf." I grunted (I think I landed on the Ancient Runes book), and then resumed my laughter.

"MALFOY!!!" she shrieked, stomping over to me. "YOU PRAT!"

"That…was… the greatest... thing…. I… have ever…. ever…witnessed!" I gasped between various chuckles and guffaws while rolling around and holding my sides. She snarled (yes snarled) and began to hit me wherever she could reach.

"I-punch-HATE-punch-YOU-punch-YOU-punch-AWFUL-punch-VILE-punch-DISPICABLE" She continued to rant, still punching, throwing in an occasional kick here and there. I finally got a hold of myself and grabbed one her flailing hands.

"Granger!" I yelled, dodging a right hook and trying to grab her free hand. "GET A GRIP, WOMAN!"

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!" she yelled still, drawing back her left leg for another kick. I quickly hooked my foot around her right knee and yanked it towards me, throwing her off balance. She squeaked and fell back, landing next to me. Her eyes shot daggers and she huffed angrily.

"That hurt." She snapped, before bringing her right hand up again for a hit.

"Oh no you don't!" I said, snatching her hand mid-swing and grasping it with her left in my right hand. Her hands were tiny compared to mine; I held them both easily. She tried to pull them away for a few moments but was unsuccessful.

"Let go of me." She said through clenched teeth. I pretended to think about it.

"I don't think so, Granger." I said with a smirk. She glared at me. I took my free hand and ran it through my hair. I winced slightly; my arm was sore. "You still enjoy hurting me, don't you?"

I asked her. She shrugged her shoulders.

"For the most part." She said. I frowned at her and tut-tutted.

"You and your violence, Granger. You know that can't be healthy for a young witch." I scolded, shaking my head in mock disapproval. She fumed and tried to pull her hands away from mine.

"Let me go."

"You didn't say the magic word." I sang. She growled.

"Let me go, _ferret."_

"Wrong answer, Granger" I said, scooting back a few inches and leaning my back against the tree. Her shoulders were hunched now, the distance between us was almost too long for her arm length. She gave an annoyed sigh/growl and scooted closer.

"I hate you." She said.

"No you don't" I responded, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the tree.

"Um, yeah, I do." She snapped. I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"Then why did you kiss me three days ago?" I asked. Her eyes widened for a moment before narrowing; her cheeks flushed slightly and she seemed to struggle for a retort.

"You kissed me!" she said a bit shrilly, her cheeks darkening. Her eyes sparkled.

"You kissed me too." I said, nodding my head knowingly.

"But you kissed me first!" she said, trying to rip her hands out of mine. Her face was a nice shade of pink, and there was a hint of panic in her eyes.

"Touché." I said, leaning my head back against the tree and closing my eyes.

"That's it?" she asked angrily. "That's all you're going to say? '_Touché_?' What am I to make of that?!?"

I smirked. I heard her grumble and move closer to me and lean against the tree.

"Did you like it?" I asked just to annoy her.

"NO!" she barked.

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

"Really sure?"

"POSITIVE!"

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She blushed and then mustered up a pretty impressive glare. The sun streamed through the leaves, highlighting her face and hair. She looked bloody brilliant. She's sexy when she's angry, I decided.

I smiled sweetly.

"_Absolutely positive?"_

"ARGH!" she shouted.

She quickly got to her feet, trying to pull away from me. I stood too; I have no doubt that she would've dragged me around the grounds to make me let go.

"Get off!" she said, pulling with all her might. I stood and leaned away slightly, motionless. It was rather amusing to watch her struggle; it only took me half the effort to hold on to her.

With a great yank I brought her towards me. She spun around and her back hit the tree with a muffled thump. I pinned her hands slightly above her shoulders and stood closely in front of her. She gasped and looked up at me in surprise. I smirked. Her eyes widened and her mouth gaped.

"We seem to find ourselves in this position lately, don't we?" I asked.

"You got us here this time." She said, somewhat breathlessly.

"And you're not opposing." I said. Some of the original fire seemed to return to her eyes.

"Really, Malfoy, what do you want?" she asked. I leaned closer to her, and she inhaled sharply, and her eyes flashed with some sort of recognition. Our faces were inches apart, my eyes bored into hers.

"I want the truth," I said, "about the kiss."

"F- fine." She said, clearly flustered by our close proximity. As I waited for her to answer, I studied her. Her hair curled and framed her face, a couple of almost invisible freckles sprinkled across her nose and her cheeks, which were still slightly pink. Her eyes were clear brown; the kind that had depth to them. I noticed her cheeks flushing under my appraisal; her eyes narrowing skeptically. She certainly was stubborn.

"Well…?" I said. She sighed.

"'Well…?' what, Malfoy?" she asked exasperatedly, leaning back into the tree to put some distance between us.

"Tell me." I said, leaning even closer. Out noses were inches apart; I could count the flecks of gold in her wide, eyes. I heard her swallow and shake her head slightly. Then she glared at me.

"Why, Malfoy? Why do you even want to know?" she asked. I thought about this for a moment.

"Just because." I stated simply. She rolled her eyes. "Why do you keep avoiding the question?"

At this she blushed again, and she frowned.

"I don't have time for this right now, Malfoy." She said, struggling under my grip.

"If you would just tell me, I would leave you alone." I grunted, keeping her trapped against the tree. She stopped moving.

"You would?" she asked. I smirked at her.

"No."

"Ugh." She said, rolling her eyes and dropping her head back on the tree. She looked at me again and her hands turned into fists on either side of her. "You're an insufferable git, you know that?"

"If I'm such a git, then why did you kiss me?" I asked. "Or do you not remember it?" She turned a deep shade of burgundy before clearing her throat and looking at me severely.

"I remember it perfectly well, Malfoy." She huffed.

"So tell me about it."

"What is it with you and that kiss?" she nearly yelled. She frowned at me.

"It pissed you off." I said evilly. Her eyes narrowed.

"Want to know what'll piss you off?" she seethed.

I smirked.

"What?"

"This!" and before I knew what was happening she brought her knee straight up and hit home.

_OH MERLIN!_

I turned and ran in a panic as Malfoy dropped to the ground with a yell. It sounded a bit like 'Stuffing gnomes'.

_I can not believe I just did that! I can not believe I just did that! I can not believe I just did that! _

_I JUST KNEED MALFOY IN THE CROTCH!!!!!!!! _

_Malfoy is going to kill me. Malfoy is going to kill me! MALFOY IS GOING TO KILL ME!_

My heart was beating so fast I felt as though it would burst from my chest. Malfoy just had me pinned against a tree! I looked over my shoulder and saw him hunched by the tree. For a moment I felt I bit of sympathy (only a teeny bit!) and then I remembered what a git he is and kept running. I looked back and saw him running after me. I mentally slapped myself; I had oh-so-wisely ran _away_ from Hogwarts. Brilliant, Hermione; just brilliant. I checked back over my shoulder. He was gaining on me.

My breath came out unevenly, and I lost one of my shoes twenty yards ago.

"GRANGER!" Malfoy yelled behind me. I looked back and released a small scream. Merlin, he could run fast. He chased me to the edge of the lake and onto the dock. (WHY DID I RUN ONTO THE DOCK?!?) I stopped at the edge, turning to face him. I was trapped.

Malfoy stopped two or three yards away from me, his hair in a messy disarray and his grey eyes glittering. I didn't notice over by the tree, but this shirt made his arms look really…

WAIT A SECOND! What in Merlin's name am I doing?!?! Malfoy has me cornered on a dock and all I can think about is how hot he is!! I- I mean, not that he is hot. It's not like I care. That he's hot, I mean. Not that he is hot. Like at all…

Fine. Maybe he is kind of attractive. Or maybe a lot of attractive. ARGH! STOP THINKING ABOUT MALFOY'S LEVELS OF ATTRACTIVENESS! HE IS ABOUT TO MURDER YOU!

"You shouldn't have done that." He growled.

OK. PLAY IT COOL HERMIONE. PLAY IT COOL.

I glared at him.

"I'll do whatever I want Malfoy." I snapped. He slowly started walking towards me. It didn't really look like walking, though. It looked more like a starving wild carnivorous animal about to pounce on an innocent herbivore and kill it maliciously. But that's just one way to put it…

"Fine. Then I will do whatever I want." He said, stepping closer.

I shuffled back until my heels were at the edge of the dock, my back facing the open water. I teetered for a second, almost losing my balance because of my lack of shoe.

"Stay away from me, Malfoy!" I warned, reaching for my wand. Before I had even pulled it fully out of my pocket he said '_Expelliarmus' _and deftly caught my wand and tucked it into his back pocket…. _**AGAIN. **_I hate my life.

He moved even closer, he now stood about five feet from me. The knots in my stomach tightened, and I could feel a blush going to my cheeks. He took another step.

"Time for revenge." He said with a smirk. He took another step. _Oh sweet Merlin I am going to die! _He stood directly in front of me, his silver eyes boring into mine, a faint smirk on his face. I tried to find my voice but I couldn't. He brought his hands up and rested them on my neck. _He's going to strangle me!!!!!!_

I grabbed his hands and tried to push him away, but only succeeded in nearly pushing _myself_ in the lake. I squeaked and grabbed the nearest thing; the front of Malfoy's robes. He held me to him, and I gasped.

"Do you like me, Granger?" he whispered with a faint smirk.

"N-no." I stuttered, mentally slapping myself for sounding like such a dolt.

"Then this should work out wonderfully." He said, leaning towards me.

"Revenge?" I found myself whispering.

"You could call it that." He said back, slowly getting closer, smirking. The butterflies that had been lying dormant in me since three days ago exploded, almost making me gasp. Malfoy was getting closer, his face inches from mine.

"Scared?" he asked huskily, raising an eyebrow, still smirking. I tried to answer him, but his warm hand on my waist pulled my closer, causing me to lose my train of thought. When you are being seduced my your worst enemy, it is rather hard to keep one's brain properly functioning; especially when that said enemy in extremely attractive and about to kiss you.

Wait a second?!?! KISS ME!?!?! _**KISS ME?!?! **_NOT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!

Malfoy was going to kiss me! FOR REVENGE! My eyes widened as I saw him get closer; sirens went off in my brain. I could feel his breath on my face, and I could smell that bloody sexy cologne.

Suddenly, I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to feel what I felt in the corridor, I wanted his lips on mine, I wanted my hands running though his hair. I wanted to feel that soar and that high from a kiss. I _wanted_ him to hurry up already. I fought against the urge to grab his tie and yank him towards me, he was torturing me with his slow approach. I wanted-

WAIT! WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME AM I THINKING?!?! I DO NOT WANT DRACO MALFOY TO KISS ME! THE COLONGE WAS GETTING TO ME!!!

I blinked hard, trying to snap out of it. His face was so close now that I practically had to cross my eyes to get him in focus. Without thinking, (AGAIN!) I pulled to the right, almost losing my footing and falling in (such maneuvers were hard to do with one shoe on). A very surprised Malfoy was thrown off balance and into the lake with a surprised yell.

SPLASH!

A few droplets of water hit me, sprinkling my robes with little darkened dots. I stood alone on the dock, mortified. My eyes were popping; my mouth was wide and gaping. I stared at the spot where he fell in.

….

….

….

I think I'm in shock.

_OH MY DEAR MERLIN…_

_For the second time today: I CAN NOT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT!!!_

Suddenly a blonde head burst out of the water, followed by a string of rather impressive curse words.

"GRANGER!" Malfoy yelled, trying to pull a piece of weed out of his hair. Once more, although I was full capable of inserting a cool and witty comment about the situation, I chose to laugh. And laugh I did. Great un-girly guffaws that had me holding my knees for support. Eventually my knees failed me and I had to just sit down on the dock and recover.

Of all of the stunts I had pulled in the last few days, this one was the most rewarding; I believe. (Although the quick driven knee comes extremely close.) I wiped away a few tears of mirth that had escaped and had begun to run down my cheeks.

"Ahahaa… Aha…." My laughter faded into silence. "Malfoy?" I asked. I crawled over to the edge of the dock and peered over.

"Maaaaalfoy?"

Where did he go?

I looked along the edge of the dock, I looked at the shoreline, I looked out towards the center of the lake. No Malfoy. I shook my head in unbelief and looked again. He was gone. There was no sign of his blonde head anywhere, no bubbles coming up from the dark surface…

Panic began to sink in. No Malfoy… You don't think… He couldn't have… I mean he was swimming…. Wasn't he? The... the dock is right here…. Not possible…. ?

A couple of seconds passed as I waited.

No, that couldn't have happened… But what if…. …. Noooo…. Nonononono…. He obviously could swim….. right? …. Yes…. But I mean, what if…. What if….. ?

OMIGOSH!! MALFOY! I DROWNED HIM! I JUST KILLED MALFOY!!!

"MALFOY!" I yelled, searching the water for any sign of him. I bit my thumb nail in agitation. What to do? What to do? I reached for my wand, but then realized the idiot ferret had taken it from me. I guess I'd have to do this the muggle way.

Joy.

I scanned the surface again, hoping to see him pop up. No luck. I took a deep breath and stepped to the edge of the dock, looking down at the steely water. It was going to be cold. Verrrrrry cold.

I jumped. The chill took my breath away; my hair was plastered to the side of my face and the back of my neck. I sucked in a big gulp of air and dove under, forcing my eyes open in the murky water to search for Malfoy. No sign of him. I popped up again; my eyes smarted. Malfoy was gone. I grabbed onto the side of the dock, shivering, trying to decide what to do.

"MALFOY!" I called again, taking another gulp of air and diving under. I came up to the surface with eyes watering, drawing shuddering breaths. It was so cold. My eyes hurt from opening them underwater. I felt something wrap around my ankle and I barely had time to scream before I was dragged underwater.

I kicked as hard as I could; bubbles swirled furiously around me. I screamed underwater, the high pitch keen sounded muffled. I looked down to see a black shape lurking beneath me. I screamed again, losing what was left of the oxygen in my lungs. My ankle was released, and I broke through the surface, coughing violently. I swam over the dock and grasped for on of the poles, half choking to death. I saw Malfoy treading water beside me, a huge stupid smirk on his face, chuckling.

_**I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE JUST DID THAT!**_

"You- stu-stup-id gi-gi-git!" I yelled furiously.

"Aw, C'mon Granger! I couldn't have scared you that much!" he said.

"I- I re-really- ha-ha-hate you-ou- n- now!" I choked through chattering teeth. He looked at me for a moment and seemed to notice my obvious fury.

"Granger, It was just a bloody joke." He said, swimming over and grabbing the pole with me.

"Sta- stay awa-way f-f-from m-m-m-e!" I yelled, splashing water in his face. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID FERRET! He sputtered and swam to the next pole and glared at me.

"That was mature." He said.

I didn't answer him. I clung to the pole, sniffling and hacking up the water that was sloshing around in my lungs. I bet I looked extremely attractive right now. I shivered and watched morosely as Malfoy hauled himself out of the water and onto the dock.

I can not believe I just jumped into a lake for Draco bloody Malfoy.

I looked up from my haven on the pole and realized the dock was about a good two feet from the water's surface, and I was almost positive that I would not make it up there on my own weensy strength; and there was no way on this earth that I would let Malfoy help me. Jerk.

I reached up and grabbed onto the edge, pulling with all my might. I kicked my feet in a feeble attempt to give myself a little power boost. To him I'm sure I looked pathetic. I tried to kick off from the side of the pole, but to no avail.

I looked up to see Malfoy standing over me, holding out his hand. I shot him the fiercest glare I could muster, which was probably pretty pitiful considering I was shivering and sopping wet.

"Give me your hand." He said.

"NO!" I snapped, my voice sounding strange to even my own ears. It sounded clogged and raspy and unattractively man-like… Great. I struggled, wrapping my feet around the pole and trying to push myself up.

He sighed and grabbed my wrists, pulling me up until I could swing my leg over and onto the rough wood. I lay there, face down on the dock. This day is definitely not going well. I turned my head to the side and I met a big pair of black shoes. _Ugh._

"Granger…" Malfoy started.

"Go away." I said, still shivering.

"It was just a bloody joke, woman." He said. I looked up at him and glared.

"Malfoy I will say this once more: Stay away from me." I spat venomously, getting to my feet and stomping down the dock.

"Granger!" he grabbed one of my wrists and yanked me back.

"What!?!" I said, not even trying to shake off his grasp on my wrist. (We went through this same scenario half an hour ago; this boy has a rather firm grip.) "You made me jump after you into the _freezing cold lake_, after you _faked drowning_, and you expect me to accept your apology?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"I never apologized." He scoffed. I let out a growl.

"Ugh. Nevermind!" I snapped. "My point is, you're just assuming that I am quite comfortable with jumping into a freezing cold lake, ready to _save your bloody life_, when it was all a joke.Is that assumption true?"

"Pretty much." He said, his silver eyes sparkling. I almost growled. Stupid comebacks and eyes and smirk. Stupid ferret. Aghh.

"Well it doesn't work that way, ferret." I said, ripping my wrist away and marching down the dock.

"Merlin, why don't you loosen up Granger!" Malfoy called after me. "You're such a prude." I heard him grumble. I swear I saw red. I stopped walking. Closing my eyes, I slowly counted to ten before turning around.

I jumped. Ugh. Soggy Robes. I was face to face with Malfoy's chest. His very, very broad, muscular, stron- AHG! NONONONNONOOO!!!!!!!!

I glared up at him and spoke in a hatred dipped tone.

"Don't call me that." He smirked.

"It got you to stop running from me." He said. I clenched my teeth. _I will not hex Draco Malfoy. I will not hex Draco Malfoy. I will not hex Draco Malfoy…_I reached for my wand, just in case. It wasn't in my pocket. I frowned. I checked my other pocket. What the….. WHY THAT LITTLE…

*********pause*********

Before I inform you of the actions that follow, I must clarify a few things:

1. I firmly believe that when I am in the company of Draco Malfoy I lose my train of thought quite frequently. He is a sly, evil, wicked, witty, smart, powerful, sexy, muscular, attractive… BLOODY HELL!!! AGHHH! NO! BAD BAD BAD MALFOY = BAD.

2. What I mean to say is, he is a ferret. F-E-R-R-E-T. A ferret is a smelly rodent, i.e. Malfoy.

3. I would also like to point out the traumatic morning that I have had; one that no seventeen year old witch should ever have to go through.

With saying that, I fear that I really can not take responsibility for my actions beyond this point.

*********onward**********

Before I knew what I was doing I was punching Draco Malfoy in every available place possible for the second time that day.

"GIVE ME MY WAND!" I howled.

"GRANGER!" he yelled, ducking as I swiped at his head. "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!" He grabbed both my arms and pinned them down at my sides. I glared at him, shaking my wet hair out of my face.

"If you do not return my wand to me this very instant I swear that when I get it back I will curse you so bad that even Madame Pomfrey won't be able to help you." I ground out through clenched teeth. The boy smirked; as usual. I glared at him with extreme severity.

"Wand?" Malfoy said, innocently.

"Yes! Let's not go through this again, Malfoy!" I gritted out between clenched teeth; it took my full effort to prevent lockjaw.

"I haven't the faintest idea of what you are talking about." He said airily. I took a few deep breaths. In through the nose…. Out through the mouth….. and repeat…. I went to pinch the bridge of my nose and found my hands still trapped.

"Let go of me." I said evenly.

"Are you serious?" Malfoy chuckled. "Twice today you have physically attacked me. _Twice._ I don't think I'm letting you go, Granger; not a chance." I sighed in frustration.

"I promise I won't punch you when you let go of me." I said.

"Not good enough." He sang. I do believe he found this rather funny. I glared.

"I, Hermione Jane Granger, promise not to punch you, Draco…." I looked up questioningly. "What's you're middle name?" He shook his head. I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Where was I? Oh yes. I, Hermione Jane Granger, promise not to punch you, Draco Walter Malfoy, when you let go of me." He made a noise of disgust and frowned.

"Walter?" he questioned. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I was forced to improvise." I replied. He rolled his eyes.

"Is that all you got, Granger?" he challenged

"What do you want me to say then, your highness?" I sneered. His eyes brightened.

"Good one Granger. Use that." I growled. I am not in the mood for this. I tried to yank myself out of his grip again. He didn't even seem to mind. How was he so strong? Ugh.

"Ah, ah, ah, Granger. I do believe you need to finish." Malfoy said, smirking, his eyes piercing. I narrowed my eyes and with all of the self control I could muster, I spoke, barely keeping my voice from trembling in anger.

"I, Hermione Jane Granger, promise not to punch you, Draco Malfoy, when you let go of me. Happy?"

"You forgot 'your highness'." He reminded. I literally wanted to kill him. K-i-l-l.

"_Your Highness_, I, Hermione Jane Granger, promise not to punch you, Draco Malfoy, when you let go of me." I swear if he doesn't take that I am going to…

"Or slap?" he questioned. _Dang it._

"Or slap." I repeated.

"Or kick?" he asked.

"You're not holding onto my legs. What does that have to do with my hands?" I asked. He frowned. Then I smirked.

"Granger…" Malfoy warned.

I kicked him in the shin.

Hard.

He yelped.

I grinned.

"Take that ya stupid fer-" I sang. My rejoicing was cut short when I realized he was going down… and taking me with him.

"Malfoy let go!" I shrieked. We fell in a heap on the grass. Guess who was on the bottom?

"GET OFF ME!" I yelled. He had finally let go of my wrists, but now I was pinned underneath him; his elbows supporting most of his weight. I tried to wriggle free, but somehow my arms were jammed underneath me, and my legs were useless in this position. He was wincing. I could feel a blush rising to my cheeks; and those accursed butterflies were getting jumpy down there.

"Why is it that every time I am with you I get injured?" he asked.

"We've been over this Malfoy. I enjoy causing you pain." I answered matter-of-factly.

"That's becoming clearer to me each time I cross paths with you." He grumbled. I raised my eyebrows without a word. He deserved it. As I was thinking this he grinned and leaned closer to me, our faces inches apart. I swallowed a shaky breath, my heart pounding.

"But you know what, Granger?" he said quietly, his wet hair glistening in the sunlight.

"What?" I whispered back. _Why does he have this effect?!? GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, HERMIONE! _My heart was pumping so loud I was afraid he would hear it. I froze as he leaned even closer, turning his head and putting his lips beside my ear. I trembled as his warm breath washed over my neck.

"It's worth it." He whispered. _Oh sweet Merlin._ My eyes widened. _Did Malfoy really just say that to me? Oh who cares? It was quite charming and sexy. Like his eyes. Today they look like… OH! OH NO! I WILL NOT BE SEDUCED AGAIN! _I mentally slapped myself. Yuck. Malfoy = Yuck. Remember that you idiot. Snap out of it!

"Are you trying to seduce me again, Draco Malfoy?" I asked with disapproval.

"Maybe." He answered. He nuzzled my neck. I shivered and bit back a gasp. "Is it working?"

"N-No! Now please get off." I said, curing the way I just stuttered and squirming. Darn. It sounded much more commanding and forceful in my head. PULL IT TOGETHER WOMAN. He pulled back raised his eyebrows, surprised.

"What?" I asked.

"You said please." He said.

"So? Does that mean you'll get off?" I asked hopefully.

"Hmmm..." was all he said. His eyes were trained on mine, staring at me intently. They seemed to darken as the seconds wore on. Oh Merlin. I could feel myself beginning to blush. He gave me a questioning look.

"Do you really want me to get off, Granger?" he said quietly, leaning closer to me again. Bloody hell. Every time he leans close to me I lose my train of thought.

"Malfoy." I almost whispered. "Please." _Get off. Get off. Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me. Kiss me? Please kiss me. NO! Stop. Stop. Stop. Get off. Please. Please. _My thoughts were scrambled as he leaned even closer.

Again, I could smell that cologne of his; he was inches away now.

"That's what I thought." He breathed; My eyes fluttered closed, I could feel his breath on my lips…

Wet. Suddenly my face felt very wet. My eyes popped open and I spluttered. Malfoy was sitting up again, wring the sleeve of his robes in to face. I gaped at him, blinking water out of my eyes.

"What?" he asked innocently. "Were you expecting something else?" A devilish grin appeared on his face.

"THAT'S IT!" I screamed, thrashing wildly. Somehow I managed to flip over and get him off of me; for the sake of magic I can't tell you how I did it. The moment I was free I was on my feet, striding away from him as fast as I could.

HE DID IT AGAIN!

I swear next time we kiss it will be MY doing. I WILL have the upper hand. You just wait Malfoy…. You are gonna want me oh so badly and then BAYUM! I'll snap the trap. And you will look like an idiot. MARK MY WORDS. Next time I will be the seducer and he will be the seducee. Next time I'll grab him and I'll-

HOLD UP.

THERE WILL NOT BE A NEXT TIME.

AND THAT IS FINAL.

"Hey Granger!" he called from behind me.

If I opened my mouth now I would say a few things that I would probably regret later. I kept my teeth clenched together; simply giving him the finger behind my back. Hopefully that gets the message across… I've only see Ron do that to people. But it actually felt pretty good.

I heard him laugh loudly. I continued my furious march towards the castle. My gait was rather lopsided; I still hadn't found my bloody sho-

"OWCH!" I shouted, grabbing my bare foot and hopping up and down.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow." I muttered under my breath as I lowered myself carefully to the ground.

I cradled my foot on my lap, trying to examine the damage. My foot was bleeding, not terribly, but enough to make it difficult to see the problem.

Malfoy came jogging up, his feet squishing slightly inside his wet shoes.

"What did you do?" he asked. I glared at him.

"Go away." I spat. He rolled his eyes and sat down beside me. He peered at the ground and picked something up.

"This must be what you stepped on." Malfoy stated as he held up a broken inkpot. I groaned at looked at my foot again.

"What should I do?" I muttered, more to myself then to Malfoy.

"Wipe off the blood." He answered.

I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from whimpering as I used the end of my robes to wipe some of the blood off. By tilting my foot a little bit more I could clearly see several pieces of glass embedded in my skin. There was a particularly large, deep one in the center of my foot. I wrinkled my nose and frowned.

"It stings." I ground out. He came around to my other side and examined my foot and sighed.

"Well, Granger, it looks like we're off to see old Pomfrey again." I sighed too.

"Of course. What else do I do with you?" I said. He smirked.

"There are lots of other things you have done with me, Granger. Perhaps you'd like to-"

"Don't. Don't finish that sentence, ferret. Let's go" I intervened as I began to feel myself blush.

"Well, hop to it then." he quipped with a smirk, and then added. "No pun intended." I rolled my eyes.

"Ha-ha. That's hilarious." I said sarcastically.

He stood up and offered me his hand. I glared at it. He shrugged his shoulders and kept it there. I ignored it and heaved my self up, awkwardly keeping my injured foot in front of me and then pushing myself up from the ground, swinging it behind me as I stood. It didn't work out very well. I teetered precariously, my arms waving frantically. Unfortunately my efforts were worthless and I felt the inevitable force of gravity pull me towards the ground. Malfoy quickly grabbed my waist and steadied me.

"Thank you." I said stiffly. His hands didn't leave my waist. _Oh well. I could you the supppor_-then I remembered that he just wrung water in my face. I shot daggers at him and said, "I'm steady now." He shrugged and stepped away, watching me. I send him a haughty glare and try to limp towards the castle. Key word here: _try._ I don't make it that far.

To put it bluntly I took one step on my injured foot, squealed, and found my face in the grass. I am so graceful and charming; such a beauteous creature. It's no wonder Malfoy enjoys my company; he probably finds my extremely embarrassing actions comical. Great. That's why I'm here. To make the world a better place, bringing joy to ferrets everywhere.

I groan and lay there in defeat. Screw my life.

"Well I'm headed back now." Malfoy says. "We should do this again, Granger."

"You fell out of a tree, into a lake, and onto me." I say, pushing myself into a sitting position, trying to brush my wet tresses out of my face. "You would actually want to do that again?" I ask sarcastically. He chuckles and turns towards the castle.

"Maybe that last one." He drawls, swaggering away from me. Bloody sexual innuendos. He thinks he is just soo great. Typical male answer. I glare at his back as he walks away.

I look around for something to throw at his big fat head. Ah. This clump of dirt will do. I sit up and take aim, heaving the blob with all my strength.

Holy

Merlin.

I just successfully hit Malfoy in the back on the head with a clod of dirt. And that doesn't even count as revenge for the whole wringing-water-in-my-face thing.

"Grangerrrrrrrrr." He growled. He turned around and marched over to me. I smiled sweetly up at him and batted my lashes

"Yes, Drakie-poo?" I questioned, smirking. He glared at me and grabbed my arm, slinging it around his neck.

"Hey!" I said in surprise. He took his other hand and swooped it beneath my knees, knocking me off balance and into his chest. I was cradled in his arms.

"Pomfrey. Now." he said, marching towards the castle.

"Put me down Malfoy!" said, starting to kick my legs. I clenched my teeth as my foot throbbed in protest. Ouch.

"No." he said. "I am taking you to the hospital wing." I glared up at him. Why was he helping me? He stopped and bent down.

"Pick up your shoe." He said. I looked down and snagged it from the grass. We traveled in silence for a minute. I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Why are you carrying me, Malfoy?" I snapped.

"You don't like it?" he questioned, smirking.

"No, its not that it' just that-" I started to say. His smirk got bigger. I realized what I had said and mentally punched myself. "No! that's not what I meant!" I cried. "I meant that-" he cut me off.

"Sure, Granger. Suuuure." He said, stepping into the entrance hall and heading for the stairs.

"You know that's not what I meant!" I growled in frustration, punching him in the chest feebly. It was an awkward angle, ok?

"I'll drop you." He threatened. I glared at him and crossed my arms across my chest. Fine. Silent treatment is now in effect. As we went up the stairs I began to shiver. I was still damp from our little lake escapade, and the cool chill of the castle wasn't helping.

"Cold?" he asked.

"No." I said.

"Then why are you shivering?" he questioned.

"For fun." I snapped. He chuckled and rounded the corner to the hospital wing. He kicked the door open. I opened my mouth to reprimand him, but Madam Pomfrey spoke as she was opening the door to her office.

"What's the trouble?" she saw us and a look of wonder and suspicion crossed her features. "You're dripping all over my floor." She said, and with a flick of her wand we were dry. "Weren't you two just here three days ago?"

"Yes." Malfoy sighed, plunking me down on a bed.

"Ooof." I glared at him. He smirked, triumphant. As he was moving away from me I pinched his arm. Hard. He grunted and leapt away from me.

"Mr. Malfoy! Please control yourself!" Madam Pomfrey trilled. He glared at me, and I grinned back. _Take that. _Madam Pomfrey leaned over my foot and tut-tutted to herself. Malfoy sat down on the bed across from us and lay down, putting his hands behind his head.

"What on earth did you step on?" she asked, gently prodding the skin. Or at least attempting to be gentle. I gasped and clenched the sheets.

"Ink. Pot." I gritted out through clenched teeth.

She sighed and bustled over to her medicine cabinet, pulling out a jar filled with white salve. She came back and set it on the end table. The nurse pulled out her wand and muttered a cleaning spell and a quick healing charm. I held my breath as she rubbed the salve on my foot, but surprisingly, I couldn't feel a thing.

"There you are." She said, standing up and putting the jar back into the cabinet. "Careful on that foot for the remainder of the day; it may be a little sore."

Pshhh. It didn't hurt at all. I stood up and putt some weight on it. Oooch. Ok. It was a little teensy weensy bit sore. I'll survive. I limped to the door, ignoring Malfoy.

"Mister Malfoy! Assist Miss Granger!" Madam Pomfrey said, noticing my limp. I cringed as I heard Malfoy get up from the bed and sidle up next to me. He pulled my arm around his shoulders and put his hand on my waist. My heart beat faster. Curses. I turned to Madam Pomfrey.

"Thank you so much!" I said, offering her a sweet smile.

"Good day Miss Granger." She chirped. Malfoy and I continued out the door. We turned the corner of the hallway and started towards the stairs.

"I can take it from here, Malfoy." I said, a brilliant idea popping into my head.

"Stairs." He said. Right. I would need him for those. Then my plan could commence.

We traveled down three flights of stairs and headed for the… dungeons?

"Malfoy, where are we going?" I asked.

"I'm going to the Slytherin common room. Where are you going?" he smirked. I stopped at a landing and frowned. Time for part A of the plan: Tickle Malfoy.

"Wait a second, ferret." I said, getting ready. "I want to go to the _Gryffindor common room_."

"Blech, Granger. You have terrible taste. The Slytherin common room is much nicer." He retorted, starting to pull me towards the stairs.

I shrugged him off me and accomplished one of the most rewarding things I have ever successfully done in my existence. As I slid my arm from around Malfoy's shoulders, I dropped it to his waist, slipped it inside his robes and dug my fingers into his stomach. (Which was quite toned, by the way. Not that I care. Even if that is sexy. I wonder if it's a legitimate six pack. Because that's - SHUT UP HERMIONE!!!!!!)

He let out a guffaw and doubled over, trying to push me away from him.

"GRA- haha- GRA- hahahahahahahaha- GRANG- ahaha- ERRR!" he yelled, tripping over his feet in his attempt to escape. "STO- hahahahaaha- OP!!"

Part B: Get my wand. I dove my other hand into his robes and tried to find his back pocket, but that only succeeded in tickling him more.

"GRANGER!" he yelled between fits of laughter, trying to glare furiously at me but then smiling against his will. I found myself laughing. He was so ticklish!

Malfoy crashed down onto the floor, me attached. He grasped my shoulders and tried to push me back, but I scratched at his abs again and he convulsed with laughter. I shouted in triumph as I reached around him and felt the smooth handle of my wand. I yanked it from his pocket and held it high above my head.

"YES!" I yelled victoriously. I stood up and grinned evilly down at Malfoy who was gasping for breath.

"You…. You…." He panted. "I'm… going to… to… get… you."

"Psh. Please." I said, nonchalant. "You couldn't catch me if you tried right now." I waved my wand around smugly like a three year old and then stuck it in MY pocket where it belonged.

"Aghh." He groaned, rolling onto his back. "Just give me a second Granger."

I grinned and began to step around him, heading for the stairs. I spoke as I breezed by.

"Good day, Mal-"A hand wrapped around my foot and yanked me backwards. I lost my footing and fell to the ground. Quick as a flash, Malfoy was on me, straddling my waist and pinning my wrists above my head. I gasped, my eyes wide.

"Ha." He said, smirking.

"Get off!" I said, struggling. I could feel a blush creeping up. This was the second time today Draco Malfoy had me pinned to the ground. The _second time. _In one day. Wow. I mean wow. My butterflies led an offensive attack on my stomach as he leaned closer and I got a whiff of that trademark cologne of his.

"Listen, Granger, I ought to-"

"WOAHOHOHO!!" A voice cawed. Something moved in the air over us.

Great.

Just fabulous.

Peeves had just emerged from the painting above us, and was taking obvious glee from our position.

"Now, now, now!" he cackled "What should I tell Dumbledore about the Head Boy and," he gasped in mock surprise, spying me from under Malfoy. "Head Girl??!?! Tsk, tsk tsk!"

I cursed under my breath. Malfoy got to his feet and snarled.

"Peeves! I already got stuck with your bloody Sticking Charm earlier this week! I'll have no more trouble from you!"

"Define trouble." the poltergeist asked, grinning evilly.

"You know what I mean by trouble!" Malfoy spat, glaring.

"Trouble like…. this?" Peeves asked. He snapped his fingers and our wands flew into his outstretched hand. He cackled with glee.

"Peeves!" I yelled, joining Malfoy. "Give those back, immediately!"

He hooted and stuck the wands in his ears, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue.

"WHY YOU BLOODY-" Malfoy uttered a vulgar profanity. Peeves stopped his antics and chuckled in amusement, blowing a raspberry.

"Silly, silly, boy! Actions speak louder than words!" he sang. Peeves balled up a fist and made a throwing motion, opening his hand wide and wiggling his fingers.

Suddenly, I felt as though I was covered in snow. I screamed in surprise.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

Malfoy must've felt the same way, because he yelled.

"PEEVES!"

I heard the poltergeist cackle and then everything went black.

¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`* •.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.,

MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh gosh

Who loves cliffies?

Meh.

Can I get a what whaaaatt?

Ok. I bet lots of people hate me right now

But I have good news

I had to cut this into a cliffie because I have 12 pages continuing this little adventure and that was nearing 50 freaking pages for one chapter. Too long brothah

As I mentioned I have 12 pages written so I will be done in no time

It is summer and I don't have a life; therefore I have plenty of time to write

REVIEW

OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE THOSE 12 PAGES

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:D


	3. Chapter 3

**A Series of Strange and Hilarious Events Starring Out Favorite Gryffindor Lion and Slytherin Prince**

…. Honey we _______ ourselves ….

**Problem # 3: ****I'm wearing a (MINI) skirt**

My eyes fluttered open. I groaned.

What just happened?

I tried to sit up, but my head swam. I closed my eyes again and tried to clear my head.

I was with Malfoy… hallway… tickle…. wand…. pinned…. butterflies…. Peeves…. snow…. Malfoy…. Malfoy!

I sat up. Black dots exploded in front of my eyes and I blinked furiously. Where was I? I didn't recognize any of the surroundings. I appeared to be sitting on some sort of rock, and it was dim. I looked up and saw a rocky sort of ceiling above me. Was I in a cave? Was I outside? What time was it?

"Malfoy?" I called quietly.

"I'm going to kill him." I turned and saw Malfoy sitting on a log muttering to himself a few feet away. "Kill him."

"Malfoy!" I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I wasn't alone out here. (And yes this is the ONLY reason it was a sigh of relief.) He turned to me.

"Granger. It's about time." He said.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, running a hand though my curls, unsuccessfully taming them. I had a lump on the back of my head from falling. I winced.

"Fifteen minutes." He answered, standing up from the log and stretching before walking over to me. I didn't like the look on his face. It looked….. shady; like He was hiding something. I frowned as he sat down across from me and looked into my eyes; as if measuring my sanity. I frowned even more.

"What?" I demanded. Malfoy looked torn.

"Well…." He stated, looking into my eyes seriously.

"Just spit it out Malfoy! What's wrong?" I asked.

"Peeves….." He began.

"TELL ME!" I yelled.

"STOP CUTTING ME OFF!" he yelled back. I glared at him.

"Fine." I said. "Go on." He spoke.

"Peeves shrunk us."

My mouth fell open.

Sweet Mother of Merlin.

No.

Please no.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

"WHAT?!?!" I screamed.

I stood up and looked around frantically. I was standing in the hallway that I had previously been in before being hit with Peeve's jinx. The stairs now looked about two quidditch fields away. I looked up and saw that the ceiling was waaaaaaaaay up there. I groaned. I turned back and looked at Malfoy. He looked a lot calmer than I felt. But he had an extra 15 minutes to accept the fact that WE ARE THE SIZE OF BLOODY ANTS.

"Merlin no." I whispered as I realized the "log" I had been sitting on was in reality _my wand_. My _WAND._ It was now five times size of me.

Malfoy just swore and plopped back down on my wand.

"Do NOT sit on my wand!" I screeched at him, speeding over to him and unsuccessfully trying to push him off.

"Would you quit shoving!" he snapped, grabbing my hands and plopping me down beside him. I sat there and shook my head in disbelief.

"Wha….What… What are we going to do?" I asked. He sighed.

"Die?" he suggested. I punched him in the arm with a glare and rested my head on my knees.

We sat in silence for a few moments. Being the size of an ant was rather hard to soak in. Minutes passed before I felt a poke on the back of my head. I ignored it. A few seconds passed and there was a second poke. And a third. I sat up and looked at Malfoy.

"WHAT?" I said, annoyed. He widened his silver eyes at me innocently.

"What?" I didn't do anything." He said. I gave him a squinty glare. He smirked.

"Ugh. Come on Malfoy." I called over my shoulder. I turned and saw him begrudgingly get off my wand and follow.

"Where the bloody hell are we going?" he asked.

I ignored that question (mainly because I wasn't sure yet…) and continued walking.

"Watch it." I said, jumping over a large crack in the cobblestones. He easily stepped over it with his bloody long legs. Wanker.

"We do need to find people in order to change back." I thought aloud. "Peeves, being a poltergeist, probably cast a semi-complex shrinking charm on us. Now in that book from the restricted section I read that these types of spells are usually reversed by a potion along with a counter-curse." I kept talking to myself, trying to find a solution. I bit the end of my thumbnail and came to a conclusion.

"We are going to see Dumbledore."

Malfoy grunted in response. This was weird. No snooty remark? No insults? I was beginning to miss the old Malfoy. I decided to voice my thoughts.

"Where is the old Malfoy?" I asked.

"What?" He said with a frown.

"I mean, I haven't heard an insult from you in the past five minutes. What is that? A world record?" I said. He looked at me and then grinned evilly.

"Your hair is as big as it was before you shrunk." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Glad your back." I muttered. Malfoy chuckled in response.

"Well Granger," he said as we reached the stairs, "It looks like we'll be headed to the Slytherin common room after all." He smirked.

"What?" I asked. "No way. Dumbledore's office is just up this flight."

"Unless you have a brilliant idea on how to climb those stairs…." He said and eyed the now ten foot tall stairs before us. Bloody hell.

"Well maybe I can… ummm…. stand on your shoulders and then I can… I can…." I trailed off. That wouldn't work. Malfoy smirked triumphantly and sat down at the edge of the step we were on. I tried to ignore the way the muscles of his arms stood out as he slowly lowered himself down the stair. He then dropped down to the stair below, barely making any noise upon his landing.

I sighed and followed, sitting down on the stair. It looked like a long drop. A looooong drop. A drop that one could break a leg on. Or an ankle. Or a hip. Or some other important bone. Does it really matter which one?

"Come on Granger." Malfoy said, looking up at me.

"Hey Malfoy, I have a grand idea." I said. "How about you go find someone to change us back and then come and get me?" I said cheerily, looking down at him hopefully.

"I don't think so." He scoffed. "Jump." He walked up and stood right below me. My feet were still a good two feet about his six-two frame. He reached up and tried to grab my foot. I held back a squeal and pulled my legs back to safety.

"Ummm. Here's the thing: I have a slight fear of heights." I said, looking down nervously.

"Really? I would have never known." He said sarcastically, craning his head to see me. "Just lower yourself down by your arms and I catch you or something." He said.

"Or something?!?!" I said, my voice high. He chuckled.

"I'll catch you." He said.

"Promise?" I said.

"Yes." He said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

I scooted myself to the edge. I got ready to turn and lower myself when a terrible reality hit me.

"Malfoy I can't do this!" I cried, spinning back around and sitting on the ledge.

"Ugh." He groaned. "Why not?"

"I'm wearing a skirt!" I exclaimed.

Malfoy just stared.

"What!?!" I said defensively. "I am."

He laughed.

"This is hardly a laughing matter ferret!" I said. He grinned, but stopped laughing.

"Granger just fall."

"Turn around." I commanded.

"Seriously?" he said.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I gave him a cold glare.

"Your robes cover you!" he cried.

"Well I don't want to take any chances." I stated.

"This is ridiculous." He said, but nevertheless he turned and crossed his arms.

_Ok._ I told myself._ You can do this_. I turned around and placed my hands flat on the edge of the step. I slowly began to lower my legs down. I reached my waist and then stopped, locking my elbows. What now? I couldn't just drop to the ground. And in this position I couldn't lower myself any further. I stayed like there in a panic for a moment.

"Erm Malfoy?" I called.

"What?" he said.

"I'm stuck." I said. I heard a chuckle.

"Not funny." I snapped.

I heard his footsteps below me.

"You're not stuck." He said.

"Um, Yeah I a- AGHHHHH!" I screamed as his fingers wrapped around my ankle and yanked me down. I fell into his arms and my momentum carried us both to the ground. At least his body cushioned my fall.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" I yelled, slapping him, trying to clear my hair out of my face. (It tends to have a mind of its own in these situations.) He looked up from beneath me, a mischievous look on his face.

"Why do you think?" He asked, waggling his eyebrows and sneaking an arm around my waist. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks, and then fully came to realize the position we were in. I could feel the rock hard muscle of him underneath me; his hand slowly sliding up my backbone. Our legs had entwined, and my hands rested on his chest. I held back a gasp as his hand made its way back down my back. _Sweet Merlin. _I swallowed as the butterflies in my stomach fluttered furiously. _Focus Hermione! Focus! _

I swore this morning that _I _would be the one to initiate the next kiss. _ME! _…… ME ME ME!!! Ahem….Not that there is going to be one or anything. I'm just setting that rule. Even if it is unnecessary. Because Malfoy is a ferret. And all of his flirtations are an evil plot. So there. End of story. No questions asked.

"No way Malfoy. I am not falling for that again. Not today." I said, trying to disentangle myself as quickly as possible before his bloody charms take a greater toll on my already frazzled self. Bloody wanker. He smirked.

"How about tomorrow?" He said. I tried to control the blush creeping up my neck.

"Hilarious." I said, still trying to get my legs to cooperate; somehow the bloody things had gotten twisted up with Malfoy's. I felt something tug on the front of my shirt. "What the….?" I looked down to see that the clasp on Malfoy's robes had snagged the fabric of my sweater. I bit back the swear that was on the tip of my tongue.

Malfoy reached up to try and detangle them. I smacked at his hand.

"I'll get it." I said, glaring at him. The snag was dangerously close to my…. you know. Malfoy's hands certainly had no place being there.

I began to carefully lower myself back down onto Malfoy, conscious of the clasp on my sweater.

_What am I doing? _I thought. And with that, I flopped back down, being sure to 'accidentally' elbow him in the gut. He grunted and glared at me.

"Oops." I said, fluttering my lashes like the clumsy, dainty female that I am. His eyes narrowed, but he didn't move. I turned my attention back to the clasp/sweater problem. I tried to get my hands positioned in the right spot, resting my elbows on Malfoy's chest and putting my weight on them to lift myself up the reach the snag.

Malfoy grunted and winced.

"No pain no gain." I said. He glared at me through his wincing. I turned my attention back to the clasp. I still couldn't reach the bloody thing. I lowered myself back down onto Malfoy and thought about the situation.

"Malfoy? Do you think you could maybe like roll us over or something? I can't really reach it at the right angle to untangle this. Maybe if I was on the bottom I could have more movement and… umm… yeah..." I trailed off. Malfoy rolled his eyes and I _felt_ his muscles tense under me as he rolled us over. I silently cursed my mother and any other relative and ancestor who had given me the…. endearing trait of blushing.

I bit back a gasp as I felt him settle onto of me again. His legs on either side of mine, and his body crushed mine into the cool stones of the floor. I shuddered, the heat from his body and the temperature of the icy stones was probably a health hazard. He placed his elbows on the floor and smirked down at me.

"Better?" he asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"Ye-Yes." I stuttered, my voice slightly squeaky. Bollocks.

I mentally shook my head and focused on the task at hand. I could feel his silver eyes boring into mine, but WILL NOT look at them. Stupid, ferrety, mesmerizing, deep, sparkling, lithium, eyes….. AGH! FERRETY! THEY ARE FERRETY! AND DRAB! AND EVIL!

…..

Ok I lied.

They are rather attractive. But only slightly. I mean lots of people have attractive eyes. Some aren't as magnetizing as others but…. AGH! I AM OVER ANALYZING THIS.

We were so close that I could smell him again. It was becoming a slightly familiar scent- which was weird. Malfoy… familiar? Ugh. We have been spending WAY too much time together.

I felt his breath on my face and swallowed again as I felt the blush creep into my cheeks. Nothing new there. I sighed, trying to calm myself.

Bad idea.

1) It caused me to inhale a HUGE amount of the Malfoy scented air around me- which has been scientifically proven to have damaging effects on me and my mental state.

2) It forced our bodies even closer together- if that was at all possible.

I blushed furiously. Malfoy cleared his throat from on top of me. I looked up to see him smirking down at me.

Bloody prat.

Time to get out of this position.

NOW.

I glared furiously at the snagged clasp, taking all of my inner feeling out on it.

I tugged on it.

_Stupid eyes_

Another tug.

_Bloody cologne_

Tug.

_Annoying smirk._

Another tug.

_Damn blonde head._

"Excuse me?" Malfoy said, his eyes twinkling in amusement. My eyes widened. _Oh no._ I did not just say that last one out loud did I?

"Umm…. I… uh…. I said…. Ummm…. Damn this …. Thread." I stuttered. _STUPID COLOGNE. _Malfoy smirked his haughty little I'm-so-wonderful-and-and-you're-not smirk at me while I glared back.

"You know," I said as I worked on the knotted strands of my sweater, "Maybe this would be easier if we stood up…."

"Yes, but it wouldn't be any fun." Malfoy said cheekily. I shot him the evil eye and smacked him over the head.

"HEY!" He yelled.

"That didn't hurt you little rodent. Now get off."

We stood carefully, mindful of the snag. Malfoy towered a good six inches over my five foot seven frame; his hot breath on the back of my head as I peered down at our chests was slightly unnerving. Actually it was very unnerving. I tried to focus, but the periodical brush of hot air on my scalp was driving me insane!

"Stop breathing on me!" I said exasperatedly, not bothering to look up. Malfoy gave an imperious snort and I heard him start breathing through his nose. Thank Merlin.

"You're hair smells like vanilla…. Mixed with fish." Malfoy kindly pointed out.

I looked up from my work and glared at him.

"Fish?" I questioned sarcastically. "I WONDER WHY?!? It's not like I jumped in a lake today or anything!" I looked up at him. His silver eyes flashed with mischief. I frowned and then went back to untangling the snag.

"I can't get this bloody thing to let go!" I almost yelled.

"Let me do it." He ordered.

"NO!" I barked. I struggled for a few more seconds and then…. I snapped.

"BLOODY HELL!" I shouted at the clasp furiously. I yanked on it a few times before releasing it and clenching my fists in agitation, heaving for breath. I rubbed my temples and tried to calm myself. _You can do this Hermione. Snap out of it._

"Granger, really I think you've tried long enough." Malfoy said, trying to reach in between us. "Take a breather before you hurt yourself."

"Maybe you're right." I said, trying to take calming breaths and mentally release all of the extremely hateful and violent thoughts I was having about the inanimate object between us. I closed my eyes and struggled to control my breathing. In-two-three… out-two-three… In-two-three… out-two-three… There. I opened my eyes to see Malfoy's hands fidgeting with the clasp. Success rate: zero.

I watched his face as he worked; his eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. He kept his lips pressed tight together, and his nostrils flared when the threads of my sweater gave him too much trouble. His frown deepened as time wore on.

I have to say Malfoy made a valiant attempt keep his sanity longer than I did, but failed. After about two minutes of silent work his once gentle pull turned into a slightly ferocious tug, and his eyes darkened dangerously. Had we been a bit of a different situation, I might've found his silver eyes sexy.

But I didn't.

At all.

They were like a… like a…..

Like a dull sickle.

Yes.

An extremely worn out one.

One that has fallen into a drain pipe.

And picked up by a hobo.

With missing teeth.

Not that the teeth have anything to do with the sickle.

Ooo I know.

The hobo picks it up and bites it like those miners who chomp on coins to see if they're real.

Except he doesn't have any teeth.

So he just gums it.

Ok. Ew. This little analogy is over.

I jolted, realizing that I had been staring at Malofy's dull *sparkling* DULL eyes for the past twenty seconds. Thank Merlin he hadn't noticed. I shook myself and checked his progress.

As I said before, his sanity was clearly waning. His glare had now turned into a death stare, and his was cursing under his breath. Suddenly he growled and looked up at me.

"Are you particularly fond of this sweater, Granger?" he asked.

"Not really." I said.

"Good." And with that he ripped the clasp away from my grey school sweater, leaving a gaping hold the size of a snitch.

"MAL-FOY" I screeched, smacking him repeatedly. "THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY! YOU PRAT!!!!"

"GRANGER!" He yelled, trying to grab my hands. I kept on swinging, hitting wherever I could reach, head, shoulder, arm… he grunted as I got a spectacular left hook right on his spleen; serves him right for ripping my sweater, the sod.

Unfortunately he eventually got a hold on my hands and glared at me, slightly pink in the face from trying to dodge my awesome fury.

"Bloody hell woman." He said as I tried to yank my hands free. "It was just a sweater." I glared right back at him.

"Well excuse me Malfoy if I don't have an abundant supply of money here. I'm not going to be able to mend this magically because a bloody CHUNK of my sweater is gone. Now I'll have to go buy a new one. WITH THE MONEY I DON'T HAVE!" I yelled.

"Merlin Granger I'll just buy you a new one." He said.

"You'd better." I spat "Or I swear I'll-"

My threat was cut short by the sound of footsteps. Very loud footsteps.

Malfoy's eyes focused on something behind me, and I whipped around to see Neville coming up the stairs.

"NEVILLE!" I screamed, waving my arms frantically, praying that he would see me. Neville continued coming up the stairs, muttering to himself about herbology.

"LONGBOTTOM!" Malfoy joined in the yelling, standing beside me and cupping his hands around his mouth. "LONGBOTTON YOU GIANT HALF WIT!!!!!! DOWN HERE!!!"

Had we not currently been the size of small insects trying to contact a larger life form a hundred times our size I would have hit Malfoy for being so rude to poor Neville.

"NEVILLE!!!" I yelled again, loud as I could.

It was useless. Malfoy and I stood at the edge of the step, desperately jumping up and down trying to get his attention, but nothing seemed to work. We were just too small. I screamed as Neville reached the step below ours; he could crush us!

I felt Malfoy grab my arm and drag me away from the edge. We sprinted to the side of the step as Neville's foot connected with the stone; the aftermath of his footfall causing me to trip and fall like a feather buffeted by the wind. Malfoy barely stayed upright and glared up at the boy.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED US YOU GREAT BUMBLING OAF!" he bellowed, shaking his fist at the retreating Neville. I stayed on the ground for a moment, my pulse pounding in my ears.

I heaved a sigh and stood, walking back to the edge of the stair, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Malfoy. Let's just get to your common room." I said with a suppressed shudder. I sat down on the edge of the step and peered down to the stones below. I gulped nervously. I heard Malfoy grunt and sit down beside me.

"After you." I said, not looking forward to my own descending of the step. He dropped down, making it look easy. I took a deep breath and readied myself. Malfoy looked up at me, the usual smirk on his face. How in Merlin's name can that boy smirk at a time like this!?!

I gulped and gripped the edge of the step, tensing my muscles, ready to go….

"I can't do it!" I cried.

"Oh come on Granger, you did it once already!" Malfoy called from below.

"And it was horrific!" I replied in defense.

"You landed _on _me!" he said.

"Like I said, hor-rif-ic!" snipped. His smirk widened.

"Granger you liked it." He said. I glowered down at him.

"Malfoy do not start this again." I snapped.

"Don't start what?" he said, his silver eyes glittering. "Your obvious infatuation with me?"

I scoffed and leaned towards him menacingly.

"Infatuation?" I snapped. "So that's what causes that nauseous feeling when I see you. And here I was thinking it was the ferret fumes."

Malfoy continued to smirk up at me. "You're in denial. Get down here."

I glared down at him as he stood there with his arms out slightly ready to catch me and carefully lowered myself again, ignoring that bloody, erratic beating of my heart. Shut up you stupid organ.

"I am not in denial." I said stubbornly before letting myself fall into Malfoy's awaiting arms. As he caught me I couldn't help but notice the way his arms felt around me and how hard his chest felt. Not to mention his familiar (Yes I know familiar. UCK. Right?) scent washed over me, making me slightly lightheaded.

"Yes, you are." He said, setting me on my feet. I glared at him.

"If anyone's in denial here it would be you Malfoy." I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder as haughtily as possible and walking towards the next step. Malfoy grabbed my elbow and spun me around.

"And why do you say that, Granger?" He said, a hint a smile- no a smirk, on his face. (I bet Malfoy's can't smile. Like it's some genetic disorder passed down from generation to generation. Poor widdle ferret.)

"Because," I said, smacking at his hand, "you're always the one who's grabbing me." I stared pointedly at his hand which I hadn't managed to whack off. "And making those stupid sexual innuendo jokes that you think are so witty." I continued. He rolled his eyes. I kicked up my glare a few notches.

"And frankly, I think you've been following me around ever since that day when I hit my head." I leaned closer to him, trying to be intimidating (fail) and continued. "If anyone is infatuated, it's _you._" I said, jabbing him in the chest with my pointer finger. Ow. That kind of hurt my finger….

He chuckled. "Don't poke fingers at me. You're the one who kissed me three days ago…." He leaned closer so that we here eye to eye. "And _liked it._"

"It was like kissing a dead fish." I spat. "An _old_ dead fish…. Not even one that is commonly eaten. Like an old, dead goldfish. Reeking of ferret." I added. He chuckled again.

He cocked an eyebrow. "So it was like kissing a fish? …. Yet you _liked it?_ He ended with a mocking incredulous tone in his voice, mischief shining in those silver eyes.

"DID NOT." I said.

"I've kissed a fair share of girls little Granger, and you _definitely _enjoyed that kiss." Malfoy said. If looks could kill Malfoy would've died on the spot. (Actually he probably would've died years ago because I'm pretty sure everyone looks at him like this…)

"Malfoy you liked that kiss just as much as I did!" I yelled. He grinned-smirked. (like I said before, I have a firm belief that Malfoy's are incapable of grinning, smiling, beaming; etc.)

"Prove it." He said. I glared furiously at him.

"How am I supposed to prove it to you, idiot?" I yelled.

"I don't know. Use you're imagination" He said, and broke out into an evil grin (evil grins don't count in my smiling theory) "Seduce me?"

"UGH!" I yelled before pulling myself from him grasp and stomping over to the edge of the step. "Let's just reverse this spell so I can GET AWAY FROM YOU." I said.

"Please Granger. I know you cherish these moments." He said, sitting down beside me.

"If you mean 'cherish' as in they torture my thoughts and I'll have to use a pensive to relieve the annoyance, then yes. I cherish them with all my bloody heart." I growled. He chuckled again and dropped down to the next stair with ease. I glared at him back and followed grudgingly.

The rest of our descent occurred in the same fashion, a few witty jokes (if you could call them jokes considering they WERE NOT FUNNY) from Malfoy, me yelling at him occasionally (ok a lot), a few smacks (pretty hard ones I am proud to say) and one skinned knee (stupid butter-pawed ferret). All in all, it was not a pleasant experience to say in the least.

We finally reached the floor the Slytherin common room was on. We were tired, slightly sweaty, and rather irritable. Well, let me rephrase that. I was tired, slightly sweaty, and extremely irritable. Stupid Malfoy wasn't any of the three. He never seemed to tire, never lost his arrogant, carefree attitude, and had shed his outer robes on stair number 6, keeping him nice and cool and virtually sweat free. I, on the other hand, don't have an obnoxiously exceeding amount of galleons burning a bloody hole in my pocket, so I couldn't afford to simply leave my shrunken robes anywhere and say, with a casual shrug, 'I didn't like that one anyway.' Stupid, spoiled, rich, pompous, sexy, stro- NOW DON'T YOU START THIS AGAIN!! UGH.

I swept a hand underneath my curls, lifting them off my damp neck. Merlin I was tired.

"Malfoy, what time is it?" I asked. He checked his I'm-sure-the-wizard-version-of-Rolex-watch.

"Almost 9." He answered. I groaned and sat down against the wall.

"This is taking forever." I muttered, annoyingly picking at the gaping hole in my sweater. Malfoy slid down next to me and stretched his legs out in front of him. They were at least foot longer than mine.

"Shortie." Malfoy said, looking at our legs. I glared at him.

"I am not short."

"I'm taller."

"Thanks for pointing that out Malfoy. I mean, it's so hard to tell with your legs down there." I said sarcastically.

"Sassy." He said back with a smirk. I glowered at him and seriously considered using the ever-so-effective silent treatment again. But considering where that got me last time…. Pressed up against the wall... Malfoy's lips on mine…. My hands around his neck…. His lips- HEY! STOP THINKING ABOU IT!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

"Ugh." I said, standing and walking down the wall twenty feet before sitting down again.

"Grangerrrrrrrrrrrr." Malfoy called annoyingly.

"What?" I barked. "Just leave me alo-" I was cut off by a loud hiss and a thundering sound. Suddenly Mrs. Norris leapt out from the shadows, her tufted ears and topaz eyes fearsome. I let loose a bloodcurdling scream and scrambled to my feet.

_DEAR SWEET MERLIN!!!!!!!!!!_

I froze, terrified, as I read her great yellow eyes: Hermione. It's what's for dinner. She began stalking towards me like a starving mangy lion.

"GRANGER RUN!" Malfoy yelled. He had already stood and was now sprinting towards me. I screamed again as Mrs. Norris pounced between us, sticking her great cat face beside me.

"MALFOY!" I yelled. I could see his look of horror from across Mrs. Norris' massive paw.

"MRARW!!!" Mrs. Norris yowled, batting me over with her paw. I yelped, falling to the ground. _I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die!_

_I AM ABOUT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!_

I staggered to my feet and sprinted towards Malfoy again, my arm throbbing from where I landed on it. Mrs. Norris let loose another deafening "RAYERRR!" and I screamed again. My scream intensified as I felt her stinking cat breath on my back.

"GRANGER!" I saw Malfoy's look of panic and knew I was in for it. Suddenly I felt myself being lifted off the ground by the back of my robes, caught in the teeth of Mrs. Norris.

_SWEET MERLIN SHE REALLY IS GOING TO EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

"MALFOY!!!" I screamed. "HEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!" Malfoy reached us and leapt up, grabbed my ankles, and held on tight as Mrs. Norris began to trot down the hall.

"WHAT DO I DO?!?!" I yelled, panicking.

"TAKE YOUR ROBES OFF!!!" he yelled back, his vise-like grip on my legs solid. I lifted my arms over my head and squirmed, trying to slide out of the damned garment. I felt my arms slip out of the sleeves and we dropped to the ground. Whatever oxygen I had in my lungs got knocked out of me, and I gasped for breath as Malfoy yanked me up and started sprinting towards the wall again.

"COME ON!" he yelled as he dragged me along. I looked behind us as I stumbled, still not recovered from the fall. Mrs. Norris was bounding after us, an evil glint in her eye.

She leapt up into the air, and I saw the grimy claws emerge from her paws. I released another scream before Malfoy whipped me forward and shoved me into a crevice in the wall. I felt him slam into me, wrapping his arms around me and shielding me with his body.

"RAYER!" Mrs. Norris screeched, outraged. She swiped at the crack, her claw slipping inside and barely missing Malfoy's unprotected back. I whimpered and pressed myself deeper into the walls of the crevice until I couldn't go any farther, Malfoy attached.

"MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR." Mrs. Norris groaned angrily. I clung to the front of Maloy's shirt and buried my face in his chest. My heart was thumping and I was gasping for breath. Mrs. Norris' paw thumped against the wall again, sending reverberations through the stone. I clung tighter Malfoy, not caring that he was a ferret at this point.

I peered out from behind Malfoy and saw Mrs. Norris stick an eye against the crack, nearly blocking out the small amount of dim light that filtered in. Her eye glowed menacingly, and she growled.

"Ma-Ma-Mal-Malfoy!" I squeaked. He turned and, with a grunt of effort, kicked the demon cat right in the eye.

"RAYAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!" Mrs. Norris screeched and hissed; I screamed as her sharp teeth flashed at the entrance of the crack, spitting and snapping angrily. She gave one last furious snarl before she disappeared from my view.

I leaned against the wall, trembling violently. Malfoy stuck his head out and quickly pulled it back in.

"She's gone." He said, wiping his forehead with the back of his sleeve. I was shivering too much to answer. My teeth were slamming together, and my vision kept blurring.

"Granger?" Malfoy asked, coming up beside me. "Are you alright?" All I could do was nod my head before falling to my knees. Malfoy caught me before I hit the floor, and I shuddered.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. I mean, I had faced giants, death eaters, werewolves, centaurs, hippogriffs, mean eating plants, and even stood by Harry when he defeated Voldemort; but when facing Mrs. Norris I freak out.

Maybe it was because I hadn't had any way to defend myself. No wand. I had been defenseless. I had never been this close to death before. My stomach was clenching and unclenching, and my palms felt fiery. I kept shaking; tremors reverberating through me.

Malfoy slid us to the floor while holding me in his arms. Another shudder wracked my body. I forced myself to take deep calming breaths, trying to slow my thundering heart.

"S-s-sorry." I mumbled into his shoulder, trying to push myself away from him. "I-I j-j-just need a mom-moment to re-recover." I stuttered through chattering teeth. He helped me sit up and I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, calming myself.

_In…Out…In…Out…You're ok. You're ok. _

_Hee… Hoo… Hee… Hoo… You're ok._

The scene replayed over in my head, and I felt a blush of embarrassment creep up my neck as my trembling died down. I remembered how I panicked, and how Malfoy practically saved my life. I remembered how I buried my face into his chest, and how I whimpered like a 5 year old. I remembered how I clung to his shirt, and how good he smelled. Bloody hell. I am an idiot.

I peeked open an eye to look at him. He was in the same position I was in, but seemed to be studying me intently. The blush continued up my neck and into my cheeks. I was still pressed up against his left side, and the contact was making it hard to calm my stuttering heart.

"Maybe we should just stay here for the night." Malfoy suggested, giving me the once over… again. I followed his gaze and did a little personal inventory myself. It was not a pretty sight. My knees were scraped and my skirt had ridden up to mid thigh. I noticed Malfoy's eyes lingering there for a moment and I yanked it down, blushing furiously. He smirked. I scowled and continued to asses my appearance. My shirt was half un-tucked, and the hole in my sweater had gotten bigger. I'm sure my hair now looked like the mane of a lion. Or maybe one of those frilled lizards. I felt the circumference of its bushiness, wincing as I lifted my arm. Yup, I was definitely rockin' the lizard look. _Merlin._ There was one word to describe me: SHABBY.

I looked over at Malfoy and cursed silently as I took in his slightly ruffled appearance. There was a tear in the knee of his pants, and his once white oxford was looking pretty dirty. He had a small cut on his cheek, and his hair was sexily- I-I mean horrendously sticking up all over the place. Did I mention it was horrendous? And… and ugly. Yeah. Ugly….Overall, one word to describe Malfoy: SEXY.

…

NO!!!!

DAMN IT.

Let me try that again.

One word to describe Malfoy: ATTRACTIVE

WAIT A SECOND.

Attractive?

Heck yes.

NO!!

AGHHHH!!!!!!

I winced as I flexed my arm again. There was a dark stain at my elbow.

"Ow." I muttered, trying to get a good look at it.

"What?" Malfoy asked, leaning over me to look at it.

"My elbow." I said, still trying to see the stupid thing. I tried pushing up my sweater and shirt sleeves, but there was too much fabric.

"I can't bloody see it!" I said, frustrated.

"Here let me see." He said, leaning over me even more. His cheek was right in front of my face; I could see the faint stubble growth. I caught a scent of that divine cologne of his and held back a sigh. I cringed as he moved my arm towards him. _Owowowowowowowww._

"Careful!" I squeaked as he moved it even more. "Maybe we should switch sides." I said, swallowing as he turned his head towards mine.

His eyes never left mine as he placed a hand next to my head on the cool stones. He smirked before swiftly crawling over me, swinging his right leg over both of mine. The muscles in his arm tensed and he pushed off the wall, bringing his left leg over and gracefully settling on my left side. I sat there and blushed like the brilliantly intelligent human being that I was.

"You're going to have to take your sweater off." Malfoy said, still smirking at me.

"Fine." I mumbled. I tried to slip my arms though the sleeves, but I couldn't do it one handed. I grabbed the end with my right hand and tried to pull it over my head, but that didn't really work out too well either. "Ugh." I groaned.

"Granger, stop before you further injure yourself." He said, reaching over to help me.

"No!" I said. "I can do this." Merlin. I can take my own sweater off thank you very much. I struggled for a few more minutes, Malfoy smirking beside me. I growled and yanked up the end of my sweater with my right hand and tried to pull it over my head; but only succeeded in getting it tangled around my face. Bloody, stupid, sodding thing. My left arm hung awkwardly at my side, the sweater pulling on it. My right arm was up above my head, trying to find the collar of the blasted thing. "Bloody hell!" I yelled, squirming around. I could feel Malfoy laughing beside me, which only frustrated me more.

"Malfoy!" I snapped, my voice muffled by the sweater.

"Yes." I heard him ask sweetly, a hint of a laugh in his voice. I glared from inside my sweater. I did not want his help. But drastic situations call for drastic measures.

"Could you… Could you please help me?" I gritted out in defeat.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I looks like you've got it all under control." He added with a chuckle.

"Just help me, ferret!" I snapped from inside my sweater.

"You know," I heard him say as I felt his hands on my arm, pulling my sweater the rest of the way over my head. "You are lucky I am such a wonderful person. Not many people would help someone who asks in that manner." He chided. "But I suppose that's why you love me."

My head popped free and I found his face right in front of mine, his silver eyes glittering. I glowered at him.

"I _do not _love you, Malfoy." I said, patting down my hair with my free hand, trying ignore the little clench I got inside when he leaned closer.

"Don't deny it." He whispered.

"I am not denying anything!" I hissed before pushing him away from me. His bloody charms will not work today; oh no they won't. Stupid ferret. I shot him a glare and tried to look and my elbow again, rolling up my shirt sleeve carefully. I still couldn't see the blasted thing.

He leaned in too, still smirking.

"URGH." I groaned. My neck was starting to hurt from craning it, and my arm hurt from pulling it towards my face.

"Bloody hell, Granger, just let me do it." Malfoy said, grasping my arm in his hands. I watched him as he inspected my arm. His eyes had narrowed, and he had an adorable little scowl on his face. Erm…. Did I say adorable? I meant unattractive. Like a huuuuge turnoff. Like E to the EW.

"I need something to wrap around it to stop the bleeding." He said, looking up at me.

"Ummm…" I hummed, looking around for something useful.

"We could tear off the bottom off of your skirt." He suggested with an evil grin. I rolled my eyes at him.

"That sounds like a fabulous idea." I said sarcastically before leaning down and slipping off one of my shoes. I then peeled off one of my knee highs and threw it at him.

It hit him in the face.

Whoops.

"There." I snapped. He pinched the sock with two fingers and gave me a disgusted look before wrapping it around my arm twice before tying the two ends together snugly. I gave it an inspection.

"Thanks Malfoy." I said, bending it painfully. I think I'll live.

"No charge." He said. I gave him a look that clearly said what-the-heck-you're-a-freak and stood, peeking out the crack into the hallway.

"How much further to the Slytherin common room?" I asked. The hallway was definitely darker; the light from the main stairwell dimly filtering though our crack. I turned and looked down the hallway; good thing out crack was near the end, I couldn't see very far because of the darkness.

"Down this hall, a right, a left, and another left." He answered. "There's no way we'll make it in the dark." I sighed and begrudgingly sat down diagonally from him.

"Alright. This will have to do." I said. I stretched my legs out in front of me. They actually reached the other side of the crack. Man. I feel really tall right now. But wait…. A terrible realization hit me. "Malfoy there isn't very much room…"

"You could sleep out in the hall if you prefer." Malfoy suggested.

"And get stepped on by some_thing_ like Bulstrode? No way. You sleep out there." I said. He snorted.

"Malfoy's do not sleep in deserted castle hallways." He said. I glared at him.

"Yet a crack in the wall is adequate?" I snapped.

"Quite." He replied, smirking at me. I glared.

"Fine." I said icily. "We'll both sleep here." I began to lay down and then shot up. "But you better leave me alone, ferret!" I threatened. He looked at me innocently, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Me? Bother _you?_" He asked. "Never." I shot him another dirty look before laying down, pressing myself as far into the wall as possible. He lay down next to me, his left arm pressed firmly against my right. I gulped and tried to control my accelerating heart. _Merlin slow down you stupid thing. _I pressed my left elbow into the wall, trying to let the pain distract me… it didn't work.

We lay in an extremely awkward silence for about four and a half minutes. Well actually I found it awkward. Malfoy was probably cackling with glee on the inside because he enjoyed my discomfort. Stupid ferret.

I squirmed and tried to get comfortable, turning towards Malfoy and settling on my side, carefully placing my left arm in front of me and using my right arm for a pillow.

There.

This isn't so bad.

I looked up at Malfoy. His eyes were closed, and his hands were back behind his head, making his arm muscles stand out underneath his sweater.…Which is a minor detail. Just so you can know. For the sake of details. And fully picture this. Realistically. I didn't actually notice his muscular arms. I just want you to know. So yeah. Just wanted to clarify. You're welcome.

I shut my eyes, trying to fall asleep. A couple minutes passed and I groaned. This was impossible. I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was racing, and I was cold. Freezing, actually. My hands and feet were the worst; I felt like I couldn't ever control my fingers. I began to shiver a little.

I tried to shift my focus to my thoughts as I began to shiver, attempting to forget about how bloody frozen I was becoming. Instead of helping, tracing my thoughts was making things worse. All I could think about was…. Wellllll…. That's really none of your business, is it? Hehe… Oh Merlin.

…

Fine. Ill tell you. I couldn't stop thinking about Malfoy. Him and his sparkling eyes and sexy smirk, and bloody muscular body. I mean, I just blame my natural female instincts here. This has nothing to do with who I am. Its just hormones. I'm not _actually _attracted to Malfoy; my instincts were. There is nothing wrong with me feeling attracted towards him.

Not that I am.

But if I were to be, there's nothing wrong with that.

But I AM NOT.

AT ALL.

*gulp*

Ugh.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

I shivered again.

That's it.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Yes.

I mean _that_.

What is _that_? You may ask.

Well.

I am about to do the unthinkable.

….

Cuddle with Draco Malfoy.

(Well I wouldn't call it cuddle since I wouldn't enjoy it ONE BIT; so it was more like huddle. Yeah. Huddle. Not cuddle. Easily confused.)

"Malfoy?" I whispered, going up on my right elbow.

No response.

Was he asleep already?

"Malfoyyyy?" I whispered again, leaning in towards him. He cracked an eye open at me.

"Wha?" he asked.

"I'm cold." I said miserably. He grunted and sat up slightly, looking around us confusedly before laying back down. He turned to his side and faced me, his eyes bleary. Wordlessly he slid an arm around me and brought me closer to him. I stiffened as I came in contact with his chest; but the heat soothed me. How was he so warm?

To my utter horror and embarrassment I found myself snuggling as closer, cradling my hurt arm between us. I buried my nose in his neck and he shuddered.

"That's bloody freezing." He muttered.

"Sorry." I mumbled into his neck, my lips brushing his skin. His steady breathing caught for a moment and then resumed. I felt him swallow.

"Your hair smells good." He said, touching it gently, smoothing it away from my face. His hand trailed slowly down my jaw line and back up again, stopping at my ear. He fiddled with the lobe and traced the contours, then went back to my hairline, stroking gently.

Sweet Merlin.

This needed to stop immediately.

IMMEDIATELY.

But how to stop it?

I turned my face up to his; he was looking down at me, all traces of sleep gone from his molten silver eyes.

"Malfo-" I tried to say, but before I could finish my sentence his lips descended to mine. Like a sigh I melted into the kiss. I ignored the voice in my head (WHAT THE BLOODY EFFING HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT) and gave in. His lips were soft and smooth, and his spicy scent spiked the air around me. Slowly, he moved his lips, and I felt mine move too.

I felt rather than saw the flashes of light behind my eyelids. Some people call them fireworks. But they were not firework I assure you. Fireworks can't even begin to describe this feeling. We both wanted this. We both needed this.

His hand ran through my hair and slid to the base of my neck, holding my lips to his. His other hand brushed across my cheek before trailing down my arm and grabbing my wrist, bringing it up to his shoulder before letting go. I then felt myself grip the fabric of his oxford and pull us closer together.

.

I felt as though I was having an out of body experience. Was this normal when you kissed someone you weren't supposed to? When you kissed your worst enemy? When you kissed the person you wanted the most?

I couldn't control the fact that my hand had trailed from his shoulder to his chest, and that my fingers were skimming around his collar. I couldn't control the way I craned my neck and deepened the kiss. I couldn't control the way my lips moved with his or the way my stomach was twisting itself into knots.

He pulled away our breath mingled in the space between. His nose brushed mine, and our lips touched briefly again before I opened my eyes to see his inches from mine.

"Are you warm now?" He breathed, his voice low and husky. I licked my lips and swallowed.

"Quite." I croaked. His hand slid from my neck to my cheek.

"Goodnight Hermione." He whispered.

"Night." I said. His eyes bored into mine. I couldn't tear myself away. In the dim light coming from the crack in the wall the silver of his eyes looked like liquid iron. I gasped as I released the breath I didn't even know I was holding and looked away, my cheeks flaming.

DEAR SWEET MERLIN.

I can not believe that I just kissed Malfoy. AGAIN. And this time I didn't even try to deny that I didn't like it. And I won't deny it. I did like it. Bloody hell. What was going on here?

What was I supposed to do!?!??!

WHY DID YOU KISS HIM YOU NUMBSKULL?!??! WHYYYYYYY?!?!

Malfoy was never going to let me live this down.

NEVER.

AGHHHHHHHHHH.

I closed my eyes and turned over to my other side, facing the wall.

This was a disaster. A DISASTER!

I couldn't sleep.

Who could after kissing their worst enemy?

Who happened to be sexy.

And attractive.

And smart.

All that and a superb kisser.

AGHHHHHH.

Damn it.

I sighed and tried to clear my head, trying to let my practical logical side take over.

Ok Hermione.

Ok.

Calm down.

I listened to the sound of Malfoy's steady breathing, and talked myself through insanity.

Ok.

Ok.

You are going to be fine. In the morning you will wake up. You will go to Dumbledore and reverse the shrinking charm. Harry, Ron, and Ginny will come back from Christmas holiday. They will not find out about this. And you will ignore Draco Malfoy and live your life as it was before any of these bloody crazy kisses occurred.

Everything is going to be ok.

I think.

¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`* •.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸

OHH BABY THINGS ARE HEATING UP

=DDD

Soooooo yeah how did you like it!?!?!?

I'm pretty satisfied with it, not gonna lie.

I have some freaking AWESOME ideas for next chapter.

Which I haven't even begun to write yet nbd.

BUT TARRY NOT I DO HAVE A PLAN.

And yes.

I did mean to misuse the word 'tarry' there.

REVIEW AND MAKE ME SMILE.

They really do you know. Like if I wasn't afraid that I would be stalked by doing so, I would totally put up a huge picture of me positively BEAMING with joy from when I get a review. And It would be a pretty good beam. I had braces. =E)

That was supposed to be a smiley with braces in case anyone was wondering….

REVIEW MY LOVES!!!!


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